Hooking up, I think most people would agree, is pretty fun. In fact, it carries most, if not all, of the components required for a “good time”–two consenting, willing people who like each other in some capacity, genital stimulation, the potential added bonus of a carefully-curated Spotify playlist that was made specifically for the act of hooking up. It’s great stuff!
But here’s the thing: If you are the type who has what others might call an “overactive” mind (the kind that never really slows down no matter what you do, and when yoga teachers tell you to “turn off your mind” to enjoy the “nothingness of meditation,” the only thing you can think is LITERALLY HOW DO YOU EVEN DO THAT I HAVE NEVER TURNED OFF ANYTHING IN MY LIFE AND I AM CERTAINLY NOT ABOUT TO START NOW WITH MY MIND, THANK YOU, which kind of distracts from the whole point), your mind is always going everywhere at once, and it happens when you are sitting in class, taking tests, and, yes, hooking up with people.
I am sure you can relate in at least some capacity, because I’m almost positive that everyone gets a weird errant thought here and there (or, like, everywhere) during a hookup. Sound like you? Check out the weird thoughts that everyone has during a hookup:
1. Am I doing this right?
2. Are they doing this right?
3. Clearly, one of us is doing something wrong right now.
4. Maybe I am overthinking this right now.
5. How do I tell them, gently, to stop doing what they are doing right now?
6. I have never been so aware of my tongue before.
7. Or anyone else’s tongue, for that matter.
8. Why doesn’t anyone ever know how to take off a bra?
9. Should I do it myself, or is that too “thirsty?”
10. Why are they looking at my stomach like that? I AM VERY SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT MY STOMACH, AND THEY KNOW THAT.
11. What sort of, um, sounds should one be making right now?
12. Okay. We’re done. How do I end this? Would a high-five be weird?
Do you do any of these things during a hookup? Did I forget anything super weird? Let us know in the comments!