New relationships are exciting. The honeymoon stage of being a couple is definitely one of the best parts of dating someone – everything is shiny and new and wonderful. And while you should absolutely be yourself no matter what relationship stage you’re in, there are still some guidelines to keep in mind… as in some things you shouldn’t be doing with your new bae. Yes, I know, you want to rush right into the “good” parts of being with someone, but sometimes you want to rush so much that you don’t give the relationship time to grow and evolve on its own. And as lame as that sounds, it’s really important! Moving slowly is the best way for relationships to thrive.
I’ve watched a lot of friends move super fast in new relationships… and then I’ve watched those same friends crash and burn. It often seems like the couples who get really serious right away (you know the ones I’m talking about: they post #WCW or #MCM every week and can’t stop Snapchatting each other) are the ones who end up having the worst breakups. Jumping into big milestones right away sounds fun and spontaneous when you’re in *love* but in reality, it can come off as overbearing, clingy, and a little annoying. Yikes. No one wants that. Let me help you so you don’t scare off your new bae. Here are seven things you should never do when you’re in a new relationship:
Get Really Attached To The FutureI know girls who pick out hypothetical baby names, imagine elaborate vacations, and wax poetic about how cool their hyphenated last names sound together - ALL BEFORE SAYING I LOVE YOU. Girl, slow your roll. Don't count on this person to be your prom date next year or go to the same college as you if you just started dating. Take it day by day. Yes, get excited and feel your feelings, but don't make this person the center of your potential future. Don't start believing all of these things are going to happen if you haven't even discussed them with the other person yet. Maybe you're like, "Well guess what? We just started dating AND we've both already talked about getting married, so there." Um, okay, then you're both doing the wrong thing. Don't start planning and discussing your future until you're a little more into the relationship. Source: iStock
Spend A Lot Of Money On Their GiftsSave. Your. Money. Serious presents should be reserved for serious relationships. Even if you were with this person for a year, I'd caution against spending over $100 dollars on a gift for them. But, here we are, and high school girls are receiving Tiffanys jewelry from their boyfriends and girls are splurging on very expensive concert or sports tickets for their brand new boyfriends. Why? The amount of money spent on gifts is not directly proportional to the level of feelings you have for this person, so chill. This person isn't worth that much (yet). Source: iStock
Say 'I Love You' Right AwayThere's no scheduled time to say "I love you," but the general rule is that you should wait a few months to make sure you both really mean it. Love is often confused with lust, which is the intense emotional feelings you're getting in the beginning. Give yourself time to get to know the person before you say it. That goes for them too! Rushing into those three little words is never a good idea. Of course, I'm a huge advocate for voicing your feelings when you have them, but for your new bae, remember to maintain a sense of timing and what is appropriate when. Two weeks into something is probably too soon. Source: iStock
Make Things Facebook OfficialThis is a one way ticket to everyone you know seeing that you are in a relationship. That sounds exciting, but what it really means is this: everyone is in your business now, whether you want them to be or not, and that complicates things. Not only can it lead to others getting involved, but it puts added pressure on both of you. And if you're not 100 percent sure things are going to last for a while, it makes for an awkward breakup.
Prioritizing Bae Over Everyone ElseIf I had a dollar for every time one of my friends was like "lol idk what I'm doing this weekend, I have to check with [this random guy]," I would not have student loan debt. Your new bae should not take priority over your best friends, who frankly know you better and love you more. Schedule a date night, for sure, but don't put your entire weekend or holiday break on hold until you can have a sit down and schedule out the max amount of time you can be spending with your new bae. Don't put your life on hold for this brand new person, no matter how many butterflies they give you. Source: iStock
Pressure Them To Meet Your ParentsWhen you meet someone new and you really like them, you want everyone in your life to know them - and you want them to know everyone in your life. But forcing them to meet your family and/or besties too soon can be way too much pressure. If they seem reluctant, give them more time. If it's been, like, three months and they still don't want to, that's a problem! But in the beginning, it should be just you two. Reserve the meet-the-parents date for when you guys get serious and don't make your new bae feel awkward or bad for not wanting to meet your parents right away - that can be a big step for some people.
Hunt For A Sign That Something Will Go WrongNew bae is wonderful! They're practically perfect. They can't be real and this is too good to be true. Something wicked this way comes (had to). Sniffing out signs that this thing is headed south and it's all an elaborate dream that you made up is normal, especially when you don't frequently connect with someone this way, but that doesn't make it excusable or helpful to your situation. Assume that new bae isn't lying to you or using you and that they genuinely enjoy spending time with you. What a novel idea. Trying to find something wrong leads to unnecessary arguments and the self-fulfilling prophecy of it actually turning sour... because you're on a witch hunt and waiting for bae to mess up. Don't do this to your new bae. Source: iStock
Are you in a new relationship? Do you disagree with any of these? Let me know in the comments.
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