Ask A Guy: Is It Possible To Get Your Hookup To Be Exclusive?

Hey Joel,

So I have been talking to this guy for about six months, we were on an off throughout it like three times. I want a relationship with him but he’s too scared to commit because he knows he will mess things up. He says he wants to be friends. But if I start talking to another guy and if I tell him who I like he gets mad and has me tell him their name so he can look them up and stalk. He says he cares about me a lot but he said he doesn’t know what he likes about me . We always have our romantic moments and then it’s always ruined by us getting in an argument. He acts like my boyfriend a lot, but he just wants to be friends…what does this mean??? Can I make him just be exclusive with me?

what-is-happening

It sounds like you’ve got your hands more than full with this guy, and from what you’re saying, there isn’t much that leads to a solid relationship. Even though you say he does, there is nothing in what you wrote displays how a boyfriend should act–and to be perfectly honest, it doesn’t even sound like there’s a lot to build a basic friendship off of, let alone a full-blown relationship.

The most concerning of everything you wrote is his want to intimidate any other guy you’re interested in, even if you’re just trying to be their friend. This shows an enormous level of insecurity on his part, and his attempt to control who you talk to is a huge “get out of there” red flag. The fact that you used the word “stalk” in terms of how he handles you talking to other guys is about as bad as it gets, and there is no way at all that this sort of behavior is a good thing.

I mean, he says he doesn’t want to commit because he’ll mess things up, and also says he’s not sure why he likes you? Why on Earth would you want to even consider being in a relationship with someone that clueless and half-hearted? You deserve someone who is all-in with you, and can easily tell you all the reasons that you’re the one for them!

What it comes down to is that this guy doesn’t know what he wants, and is very immature. He lacks self-confidence, and isn’t treating you anywhere near right as a friend, and even less how he should treat a potential girlfriend. Don’t let your not wanting to be single force you into settling for someone less than you deserve. If I were you, I’d cut him loose ASAP, and go find a guy who is comfortable with themselves and appreciates you for all that you are.

Best wishes,

Joel

Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

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