Like most people, I’ve been spending most of my time recently listening to Lemonade, Beyonce’s new album in which she reveals, in fairly explicit detail, how her husband Jay-Z supposedly cheated on her. While the album concludes by asserting that Bey and Jay are not going to get a divorce, many of the songs carry an infectious and fiery kind of spite that’s hard not to insert into your daily life–for example, I happen to be extremely single, but the line “you ain’t married to no average bitch, boy ” alone made me want to preemptively destroy the life, Gone Girl-style, of anyone who might even be thinking of asking me out.
I think it is safe to assume, then, that there are a lot of people out there who, upon listening to Lemonade, realized that their scummy SOs didn’t even have the excuse of being Jay-Z to justify their behavior and, because of this, are now freshly single. Of course, as I have written about before, there is certain kind of power in being single. But if you’re single for the first time in a while, it can feel…odd. Very, very odd. So, if you are newly single, or have been single for a while, or are simply, in the wake of Lemonade, thinking really, really hard about becoming single, check out these weird things that happen when you’re single for the first time in a while:
1. You feel lonely AF.
Sorry. The first few days (weeks, possibly) of being single are really, really lonely. You’re used to always having that one person you can text or call whenever you’re just a little bored and, suddenly, that’s..gone.
2. Which is probably because you suddenly have so.much.free.time.
The plus side? You can do all those things that you always talked about but never actually followed through with. I mean, sure, you’re mostly using this time to watch Netflix in your pajamas, but the potential is there.
3. You rediscover the power of ~friendship~
Why weren’t you hanging out with these people before? They are so cool!! Who needs your ex?
4. Your friends, noticing that you are noticing them again, call you out for your sudden reemergence in their lives.
Fair is fair.
5. Your phone battery lasts a lot longer.
Less FaceTime. Less Snapchat. Less texting overall. You’re lonely, sure, but you don’t have to bring a charger around with you wherever you go now.
6. You also have a lot more money.
Being single is a great way to save money–and, as Beyonce once said, the best revenge is your paper. So.
7. You download Tinder.
Time to meet new people! The world is your oyster!
8. You delete Tinder.
Not these people, though. Not right now.
9. You find that you have next to no idea how to flirt IRL.
Why didn’t anyone tell you that it’s so hard?
10. People who don’t know you very well ask you, “Hey, where’s ____?” wherever you go.
Hmm. Turns out you were a little more “ball and chain” than you thought.
11. After they find out you are no longer together, they immediately try to set you up with their friend who is “so perfect” for you.
Thank you. Thank you so much, but…no thanks.
12. You find the ~~real you~~
It sounds cheesy, but, yeah–you have to be alone for a little bit to figure out who you really are. And, hey, whether the real you is the vengeful Beyonce in “Hurt Yourself” or the benevolent Beyonce in “Sandcastles” (or a mix of the two) is totally up to you.
Are you newly single? What’s your experience been like? Let us know in the comments!
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