We all know that communication is key to any relationship, but sometimes talking about certain things can do more harm than good. Any conversations that cause hurt, insecurity, or needless fights are conversations to avoid. Instead of talking to your significant other about certain topics, you should maybe write in your journal about or talk to a close friend. “Dear Diary, I think my boyfriend’s haircut is awful. I’m not going to tell him, though, because there’s nothing he can do about it, and I don’t want him to feel bad.”
You often learn the hard way which conversations to avoid with your bae. You’ll end up not speaking to each other or maybe even *gasp* breaking up. Romantic relationships are different than your platonic ones – they require a lot more sensitivity. You don’t want to criticize parts of bae that they didn’t ask your opinion on, like their family, friends, or looks. Who wants to be with someone who is constantly tearing them apart, anyways?!
You should of course always be open and honest, but you can definitely do that without being intentionally mean or rude. Here are a few conversations with your significant other that you should avoid at all costs. Unless, you know, you like fighting. Then go for it!
Confronting Them About Their WeightEven the most socially competent person gets awkward when it comes to talking about weight in a relationship. Say your partner gains or loses a significant amount of weight and you're not feeling it. You should never say, "I think you need to lose/gain some weight." Not only is that incredibly hurtful to hear, but it's also just plain rude. The only time it's acceptable to say something like that is if you think bae has a serious health issue happening. But if it's just about you not liking how they look, you shouldn't say anything. Telling someone you love that they're not living up to your standards of beauty is never going to turn out well. These types of conversations make people self conscious and less likely to feel good about themselves enough to make positive changes in their lives. ESPECIALLY avoid making any passive-aggressive comments or jokes about your partner's appearance. That's a good way to give them a complex. Source: iStock
Comparing Them To Your ExesSure, your last S.O. might have been a better gift-giver, but you're not with that person anymore, are you? NO. Anytime you have a conversation with your bae comparing them to your ex, it's going to be a fruitless discussion (see what I did there?). No one ever gets compared to someone else and says, "Oh, you're right! I should try and be more like the last guy that you made out with!" Everyone has their own unique traits, and if you really thought that last person was so great, maybe you should go back to dating them. Ya feel me? Source: iStock
Going In Depth About Past Sexual ExperiencesYour partner may ask you about your past sexual escapades, but they don't really want to know. It's a trap! Even if they think they can handle learning about the dirty details, they'll inevitably compare themselves to the person you're talking about and even obsess over the smallest aspects of the story. You don't want to do that to someone you care about! Source: iStock
Analyzing Their Money SpendingIf you're not married or living together, stay out of your partner's financial decisions. It's one of the top things couples fight about, after all. You can figure that stuff out if you get really, really serious (like moving in together or getting married serious). But for now, it's not really your business. Source: iStock
Asking Uncomfortable Questions You Don't Really Want The Answer ToDon't set your bae up for failure. WHY DO YOU DO THAT? Asking your partner to tell you "if you're better at sex than their ex," what your "score" is from one to ten, or if he thinks you're prettier than so-and-so is never a good idea. I have a friend who recently asked her boyfriend what her rating was. He answered "9.5". He's a guy- he thought he was saying the right thing, but obviously she flew off the handle when she wasn't given a perfect 10. When she told me that story, I could only shake my head. She had set her boyfriend up to disappoint her by asking that question! Source: iStock
Critiquing Their FamilyYou're going to have strong opinions about your S.O.'s family. It's inevitable. But just because you're open and honest about everything else with each other doesn't mean you should be open and honest about their family. Family is forever, and the last thing you want to do is pit them against you. Also, this conversation will end in a fight EVERY TIME. Bae is most likely going to side with their family since they're flesh and blood. Source: iStock
How You Don't Like Their FriendsUnless your S.O.'s friends are truly horrible and rude to you, don't talk about how much you dislike them. Having a conversation with bae about how they're not the kind of people you think they should be hanging out with will not end well. You can vent to your friends or to someone close like your mom, but trying to destroy close relationships won't help you out in the long run. Source: iStock
Telling Bae That You Have A Crush On Someone ElsePeople get crushes...it's part of being human. You don't need to tell your partner every time someone else catches your eye- it will only make them less secure and more clingy. Don't be dishonest, but also avoid the conversation where you tell them all the other people you find attractive. If you have a serious crush that could turn into something, then yeah, be honest. But if it's just a silly attraction thing, you're better off keeping it to yourself. Source: iStock
Hypothetically Talking With Them About Breaking UpHaving a conversation about breaking up can be very detrimental to your relationship. There's a difference between saying, "Hey, these are all the things that aren't working in the relationship" and, "Wouldn't it be crazy if we broke up?!" The former clues your partner in to what's bothering you and gives them a chance to fix it. The former will just drive your boyfriend crazy. I have a friend who has done this with her boyfriend. She said, "Man, if we broke up, it would be tough because we have all the same friends." This sent him into a tailspin because he though she was going to break up with him. She defend herself by saying, "I was just talking about it hypothetically! I'm not actually going to do it!" However, the fact that she brought it up at all meant that she'd been mulling it over. That's not healthy communication- that's emotional terrorism. Source: iStock
Which of these conversations have you had with your boyfriend? How did it go? Let me know in the comments below!