This guy–who is now my boyfriend- and I have been dating for like a month, and we know each other for less than two, but I really like him. We’ve been on five dates and on the fourth he asked me to be his girlfriend. Everything was great but yesterday, out of nowhere, he told me he loves me… I really like him but this just feels waaaay to soon. I should mention that there’s an age gap between us, he is twenty-six and I’m seventeen. What should I do?
To put it mildly, I think you win the award for the most red flags in a single question I’ve ever been asked. From beginning to end, I have a number of massive concerns about your relationship, and it goes far beyond him jumping the gun with those magic three words.
First off, you are absolutely correct that him dropping an “I love you” after just a few days is way too early. Even if you do develop strong feelings for someone right out of the gates, saying those words that soon screams of someone who is clingy or co-dependent. It’s not that love-at-first-sight doesn’t happen, but telling someone you love them should be a HUGE moment, and people who say it as quickly as this guy usually don’t understand the weight of those words.
There is nothing wrong with taking time and letting things build. Even when you know that they are “the one,” there is something to be said for building things to a point where you can’t hold in the “I love you” any longer. People who jump in as fast as this guy don’t quite grasp what love means, and are likely to say it just to keep the relationship going.
I am also concerned about the age difference, because in the vast majority of places, a twenty-six-year-old dating a seventeen-year-old is a very grey area, if not outright illegal. When you combine this with how eager he is to make things “official” and then rapidly drop the L-bomb on you, it sounds like he has very low self-confidence, and I would be very apprehensive about moving forward with him.
Not to put you into panic mode, but I would step back and take a good look at this relationship. You’ve known him only about two months, and he’s already saying he’s in love with you. While it’s a nice thought, it’s also a huge warning sign. Taking things slowly leads to stronger relationships, and it sounds like he’s trying to go all the way as quickly as he can. Overall, his actions come off as more than a bit desperate, so you may want to get out before things go any further.
Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.
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