So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now. He always says how much he loves me, but today I looked at his Instagram and saw that he looked up one of his ex girlfriends.
To this day, he has not done anything to betray my trust so I know it’s wrong for me to accuse him of anything. He says he would never cheat on me and I believe him 100% but sometimes I’m always paranoid of him cheating on me or falling for another girl or even falling for any of his exes again. I don’t understand where this paranoia comes from (maybe because my ex boyfriend cheated on me) but I know not every guy is the same. I just can’t stop thinking about it. Is this just a self esteem thing or should I actually be worried?
While it’s great to be connected to your friends and see the cool things they’re doing on social media, it also provides a level of access that can lead to lots of temptation and mixed signals. What you’re experiencing is very common these days, and it’s not really a lack of self-esteem, nor is it something you should be super worried about.
Above all else, he’s never given you reason to doubt him or his commitment to you, and that should mean more than anything. We all think about our pasts, and sometimes we give in and delve a bit deeper than our partners might be comfortable with. However, if he is in fact as trustworthy as you say, this shouldn’t be giving you any reason to think differently. You two have been together long enough that the best move is to just talk about it. Ask him why he was curious enough to search for her, and if it made you that uncomfortable, let him know. Chances are, he’ll be understanding and it’ll be the last you hear of it.
In some ways, you can think of Instagram (or any social media) as a candy shop of sorts. There are loads of enticing things all over the place, and if you stand in there long enough, you’re at least going to look at some of the treats. But, just because you have a passing glance doesn’t really mean much. That is to say, it’s hard NOT to be curious about an ex, and Instagram makes it really easy to snoop a bit.
If it really bothers you deep down that he searched for her, maybe you do need to take a moment to figure out why you had such a strong reaction. If there have never been any signs of infidelity, maybe you need to look into your own trust issues. I’m not saying there’s nothing at all wrong with what he did, but if you have a strong, communicative relationship, it shouldn’t cause too much chaos. Talking solves a lot of things, so make that your next step.
Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.
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