It’s a relationship fact that all couples fight, no matter how much they love each other or how happy they are together. There are silly, normal fights, and then there are fights that are indicative of something bad happening beneath the surface. You know when a fight feels a bit off, but even if it feels like it might be okay, you can never help but wonder: Do happy couples fight about this stuff? Honestly, maybe not, because there are certain things that happy couples never fight about… or rarely ever fight about. By the way, when I say happy, I mean that your relationship is in a good place and that you two function well as a couple.
How do you know if the fight you’re having is a sign that your relationship is headed south? What makes this fight different than all other fights? To say “you know it when you feel it” sounds trite and condescending. You each know your relationship and what your personal “normal” is. However, these fights are pretty much universally bad, as in, even if your parents had these fights, it might be a sign that they aren’t a happy couple. Regardless of age or experience, these fights are not a healthy part of any relationship. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule – and please let me know if you feel that you and bae are destined for happiness even though you have all seven of these fights on the regular – but, I think it still holds true. Of course, if one of these fights happens once, that doesn’t mean you need to break up ASAP – it becomes a problem if they’re happening more than once. Here are seven things happy couples never fight about:
The 'You Need To Stop Hanging Out With This Person Because I Don't Like Them' FightI'm not saying that you have to be besties with everyone who's important to the person you're dating. The only requirement is that you need to be cordial and that you respect the relationship they have with that person. Saying that your boyfriend or girlfriend needs to cut of all ties with their lifelong best friend, mentor, coach, or relative is really not okay. You don't get to have that kind of say in someone else's life, even if you are dating them. It's rude to start that fight. Of course, you want your boyfriend or girlfriend to be around people who recognize how great they are and don't treat them like shit, but that's different than encouraging a dissolution of an important friendship just to make you more comfortable. Source: iStock
The 'You Should Know Why I'm Mad' FightNo, your partner isn't a mindreader. There's nothing like the passive aggressive cold shoulder subtle hinting that you might be angry. Part of having a happy relationship is effectively communicating with the person you're dating in a way that isn't mean spirited or awful. If they lit your house on fire and are clueless about what they did wrong, that's one thing, but if something they did got you upset and they don't know about it - tell them. That's the only way to fix this problem. No one is going to intuit your triggers and apologize without you letting them know that they hurt you in some way. Source: iStock
The 'Why Did You Look At My Phone/Facebook/Etc' FightHappy couples don't sneak around and spy on each other. They don't look through each other's texts, read each other's messages, or try millions of times to break a passcode. If you suspect that you're being cheated on, talk about it. Trust that you aren't being lied to and that they will tell you the truth. If you don't trust this person to tell you the truth, this maybe isn't a person you should be dating. I get it if you see a text come up on someone's phone and you happen to catch it, but there's no need to actively go rifling through someone's personal messages or to be sneaky about it. Source: iStock
The 'I Don't Want You To Go Out Without Me' FightA healthy relationship involves two people who still have their own lives outside of each other. Of course you two should hang out with each other's friends and be involved in other aspects of each other's lives, but you don't need to be attached at the hip doing everything together - in fact, you definitely shouldn't be doing that. If you can't let your S.O. go out with their friends without you or do anything that doesn't involve you, that's not okay - and vice versa. It's controlling, and a happy couple does not try to control each other. They let each other flourish and do the things that make them happy. Source: iStock
The 'You're Being Mean' FightIf you find yourself constantly begging bae to be nicer to you, that's... not okay. At all. Happy couples aren't mean to each other. Sure, they might fight over stupid things and once in a while they snap at each other. But they aren't emotionally abusive or mean - they don't insult each other or say things just to hurt the other person. If that's happening in your relationship, get out now. Source: iStock
The 'You Better Do This Or We're Breaking Up' FightUltimatums suck. Lobbying some action or behavior over someone's head and threatening to break up if they don't follow through is shitty, and it's not something happy couples do. However, arguments like "please stop cheating on me or we need to break up" are okay because that involves an actual deal breaker that may lead to an actual break up, but controlling behaviors like "stop wearing skirts to school, I don't like other guys looking at you, or we'll break up" is not okay in the least. Using this ultimatum so frequently takes away the actual weight or meaning of it and makes it seem like your relationship is constantly on the line. No one likes to live in that state of uncertainty and it makes people really insecure about their relationship and it needs to stop. Source: iStock
The 'Let Me Bring Up Every Argument We've Ever Had Because Yes I *Am* Keeping Score' FightDrop that scorecard right now. The fact that someone did something bad in the past doesn't get you a free pass to do something awful right back in order to "even the score." Relationships are not about keeping score. Past fights or wrongdoing should have been resolved or forgiven shortly after they happened aka in the past. Happy couples forgive and move on - they move past things, they don't keep them in the back of their mind to bring up at another time. Drudging up old stuff in order to make your partner look bad or make you seem like less of an ass hole is a bad move. This is not a good way to fight or speak to someone you care for. If you're used to using the relationship scorecard all the time, consider putting it down. Source: iStock
Which of these fights have you and bae had? What do you disagree about? Let me know!