Ask A Guy: How To Talk About Past Sexual Partners With Your Boyfriend

Hey Joel,

My boyfriend keeps asking about my past and I haven’t had the best past (I know I’ve slept with more people than he has) so I told some white lies about my “number” and the stuff I’ve done before. Now I want to tell him the truth but I don’t want him to get scared. How do I break the truth to him?


Lying is never a good idea in a relationship, and even though you understandably had concerns with this specific topic, it was still the wrong move. Coming clean now is going to be even more difficult and cause even more drama, but let’s dig into the issue of “the number” and sharing pasts.

The reality is, we all have our relationship and sexual pasts, and some of us had more partners and crazier experiences than others. Your boyfriend may have only had a few partners, and things were pretty run of the mill; while on the other hand, you may have had a few dozen partners with lots of experimenting. Neither of you are wrong, and neither is better or worse. It’s just different–nothing more.

If he had a problem with how many partners you had, or the things you did in the past, that’s HIS problem, not yours. If you were totally honest and he couldn’t handle it, it’s probably the wrong relationship.

A true partnership means completely accepting the other person, and that includes whatever went on in the past. The idea of someone wanting you to undo a part of your relationship history is unfair, and this is the key reason to just be honest and up front from the start.

You really need to decide just how important this guy is to you. The fact that he keeps asking about your past shows that he probably knows there’s more, as well as his discomfort. That’s not a good sign at all, but again, it’s his issue and problem to deal with.

If I were you, I’d come clean and tell him he needs to either be OK with it or be gone. The present was built on the past, but that doesn’t mean he can make you feel bad for your past. He may not love whatever went down, but if he can’t accept it and move on, it’s time for you to find someone new.

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

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