My boyfriend of two years and I broke up a month ago. We broke up because he joined a fraternity and befriended a girl that sent him half naked pictures of her to him. He continued being her friend even after I said I was uncomfortable with that and would show his frat brothers the pictures she sent. Eventually, I made him choose between the fraternity and me, and he chose them. Two days later I came back with a clear head to try to work things out with him and he said he was done and didn’t love me anymore. Now he’s seeing someone else and telling others that he is actually happy with her…so I guess my question is, what do you do if your ex moves on faster than you did? I’m heartbroken and he doesn’t seem to care at all.
Much like everyone moves at their own pace in terms of maturity and things like saying “I love you,” the same can be said for how people handle breakups. We all deal differently, and there are other factors that often lead to guys seeming to move on in an instant.
But before we get to why he did it, know that you totally, 100% did the right thing in cutting him loose. While I am rarely in favor of ultimatums, he had already betrayed your trust and earned himself a kick to the curb. The moment he ignored your discomfort with this “other girl” was really the moment things ended between the two of you.
What I think is going on here is something I’ve delved into before: guys aren’t raised the same as girls. I know this seems like a “yeah, duh” moment, but it’s more than GI Joe vs Barbie. The vast majority of guys aren’t really taught how to properly recognize or express feelings aside from joy and anger. It’s that whole “real men don’t cry” crap that still makes the rounds.
To this end, upon a breakup, many guys feel the oncoming sadness, and just go into deep jerk mode to push those feelings down. That’s where the “telling friends he’s happy with her” comes from. Inside, it’s more like “I hurt so bad I have to find extreme fake-happy to balance it.”
My advice to you is to not dwell on it any longer. Focus on yourself and getting through whatever it is you need to do to get back out there. Go out with your friends and meet new people. Know that there will likely be a few rebound guys before you find a new special someone; and that being single has a TON of advantages! Most of all, go at your own pace, and know that in the end, your immature ex will take MUCH longer to get through his hurt from the breakup.
Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.
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