What To Do When Your Best Friend Steals Your Crush

Dear Heather,

My best friend has been trying to get me together with my crush since the beginning of the school year. She has been talking me up to him and encouraging me to get out of my shell and go for it. So, I recently decided I was going to try it out… and then I got a text from her saying that they kissed. I am heartbroken that my best friend for the past ten years is not who I thought she was. I’m so upset that my crush and I will probably never work out. And I am so confused as to why my best friend would do this to me after spending so much time and energy trying to get me together with my crush.

I do not believe she has feelings for him because she hooked up with other people that same night. I’m trying to approach this situation with grace and maturity, but every time I tell her not to worry about it and that what’s done is done, I feel like I am not respecting myself by letting her think it’s fine. I would love to approach this as a strong, confident, beautiful young woman who is above all of this, but how? Please, any advice would help.

love triangle

I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now! The biggest test of any friendship is when a love interest threatens to come in between things. A love triangle can ruin even the longest friendships, which is an incredibly tough thing to go through. I will say, though, that I’m so beyond impressed with the way you’re handling this. I think you are already acting like a strong, confident, and beautiful young woman!

However, I also understand where you’re coming from when you say you don’t want your best friend to think she’s completely off the hook – and I agree with you. She needs to know that she did the wrong thing and that she really, really hurt you. I think you need to be totally honest with her here. Try having a heart-to-heart with her in person, and tell her exactly how you’re feeling. It is totally possible to tell your BFF she did something really crappy while still acting mature and strong. Explain to her that you love her and don’t want to lose her as a friend, but that you feel like you have to tell her the truth about how you feel. Say that you’re still feeling angry and upset with her because what she did felt like a huge betrayal to you. Let her know that while you don’t want to end the friendship over this, you do want her to know this can’t happen again.

As for why she did this, I’m honestly not sure. It sounds like she may have had a slightly careless night, and didn’t really put much thought into her actions. It’s also possible that in the process of talking to your crush for you, she started to develop feelings for him and wanted to do something about it. I don’t know! The only important thing to me is how you feel about this. If you want to continue being friends with her, you have to be honest about how you feel. If you act like it’s no big deal, it might happen again, or you’ll carry these feelings with you, and the anger will come out later about something else. Just tear the bandaid off!

At the end of the day, you deserve a best friend who is loyal, kind, and cares about you. If this girl does, she will let you speak you mind and she’ll apologize to you, and make sure this doesn’t happen again. If she’s not BFF material, she’ll blow you off and make you feel like it was nothing. All you can do is be honest and speak to her in a mature way – that’s what being strong and confident is about. You got this!

take care,

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com


What To Do When Your BFF Chooses Her BF Over You

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • Ano

    I so can relate to your struggles and I had a question. Did you already get past those feelings and how did you do it, because I just cant find a way to get last it al.

    Xx desperate girl