One of my guy friends asked me for nudes. Do I have to tell my boyfriend? If so, how do I tell him? To me, he should have a right to know, but I’m scared he’ll get mad at me too.
One of the biggest drawbacks to how connected and tech-centric our culture has become is the fact that many social boundaries have completely disappeared. Trust me when I say that even 20 years ago, this situation would never have happened for a number of reasons. But flirting via text and photos, even when you’re in a relationship, has become commonplace–and as always, I advocate for complete honesty.
My big question is: was this request completely out of the blue, or do you innocently flirt from time to time with your friend? Even if you assumed it was playful and mostly a joke because he knows you have a boyfriend, it could have opened the door in his mind to try and take things to a different place. If you have been flirting, even in the most non-serious way, you need to stop that right away. Nothing good can come of it; and in the eyes of many, that’s being unfaithful to your boyfriend.
The main reason I say you should tell your boyfriend is that if he finds out from someone else, it’s going to almost assuredly end your relationship. It’s not your fault that a stupid guy asked you for nudes, obviously, but put yourself in his shoes and think about how you’d feel if you found out one of his female friends sent him a topless selfie. Even if he said they were just being stupid, chances are you’d be far from amused.
You need to be prepared for the possibility that he is very angry and hurt, and might not want to stay in the relationship even though you’re being honest him with. While many people try to minimize the “level of cheating” involved when it comes to exchanging photos and texts (hello, Snapchat!), it is still a legitimate violation of the trust between two people.
You’re absolutely correct that he has a right to know, and the longer you keep it a secret, the worse the outcome is likely to be. If you’re committed to someone, that’s a 100% thing, and even if you think things are innocent, reverse the table and consider how you’d feel.
Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.
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