Confession time! I didn’t lose my virginity in high school, and it’s okay if you didn’t (or aren’t going to) either. I say this because I know that as the school year winds down, many high school virgins are out there, hunting down a date for the sheer purpose of losing their virginity before college. It’s what’s supposed to happen, right? All normal, functioning humans lose their virginities in high school because that’s when it’s supposed to happen. Uh, no. You can be a virgin after 18 and still be a functioning, totally sexy grown up. I promise.
Not going to lie, though… I was mad that all the teen movies of the ’90s promised me a high school romance to end all teenage love stories, and I got nothin’. It took me a while to learn that once you let go of the movie-version of your life, you can be surprised by new things. It’s totally cheesy, and you can roll your eyes at me because *I* rolled my eyes at me when I typed that, but it will ultimately make you happier.
But up until that point, I spent a lot of time stressing, worrying, and trying to problem solve *why* I wasn’t bangable throughout my whole high school career, and I regret dedicating that much brain space to it. Whenever sex happens for you is just a part of your journey, and after it happens, you’re going to keep living your life just like you did before you had sex for the first time. You know what? I think it’s even better to lose your virginity after high school! Here are the nine advantages of graduating high school as a virgin:
There Are Less Obstacles To Go ThroughYou (probably) aren't losing your virginity in your parents' home! What a relief, right? No sneaking or tiptoeing around, having one ear open to see if someone walked through the front door. Chances are your college roomie is also trying to get laid, so they're going to be more chill about giving you your space then say... your overprotective parents. Not to mention you have a clean slate with this new person who's about to walk in to your life. You're starting over again with a whole new set of people and you're all strangers - what a gift. Source: iStock
Your Hormones Have Calmed Down A BitThank GOD. During the throes of puberty, it feels like you physiologically need someone to touch you or your face is going to melt off your skull. When your hormones finally calm the hell down, it feels like a big moment of clarity when it comes to your sex drive. I used to be full on convinced that I was in LOVE with my crushes - planned a wedding in my head without ever speaking to them kind of love - when in reality, it was my hormones acting nuts. I'm not saying that everyone who loses it in high school is irresponsible in their decision making because I don't know your life, but it's a lot easier to decipher love and infatuation once your hormones calm down. Source: iStock
Your Sex Life Won't Be Hot GossipDoes anyone else low key hate that it feels like you have to write a press release every time you check off another sexual milestone? Did I get to third base and not tell my best friends? Why is it everyone's business? I remember knowing way too much about people's sex lives who I wasn't even friends with in high school just because that's what everyone wanted to talk about: who was hooking up with who, how did it go, they put WHAT in their WHERE sort of lunch table conversation. After high school, people are more willing to give you privacy with your sex life because you're grown ups now. Nothing magical happens when you turn 18 that makes you become an adult, but it's easier to lose your virginity with so much space and freedom from worrying about gossip on the other side of high school. Source: iStock
Your Sexual Activity Won't Define Your SexualityPlenty of people with high sex drives, who are hot af, don't get laid for a long time. Plenty of people who don't view themselves as sexy or being sexual at all have plenty of sex. And one more time with feeling: you don't have to have sex to be sexy. Not everything is analogous to each other. You don't have sex and magically become an empowered, flawless, powerhouse of smoldering sexuality. You can have that and never been kissed. You can have multiple sexual partners and still feel awkward as hell. Your sex life does not dictate your sex appeal and you are not going in to college with a scarlet V on your forehead if you don't have sex in high school. It doesn't happen for you in high school? You're fine, it going to mess up your whole sex life, whenever it starts. Source: iStock
Flirting Becomes EasierIf losing your virginity was hard because everyone's been so vague about what they want from you, have no fear. Overall, growing up makes you more direct with your wants and needs, especially romantically. I think there's more clarity because people have less time or patience to play games. Even if you're notoriously awful at flirting (*sheepishly raises hand*), picking up cues and taking hints gets exponentially easier the more you grow up. Not to mention, you know how to navigate the awkwardness of it all like a champion and work through it - you don't let it stop you and honestly, you've used it to your advantage on some occasions. Source: iStock
You Can Learn From Your Friends' MistakesKnowledge is power! You've heard enough horror stories and helped your friends through some turbulent times to enjoy a good thing for what it is and to sense red flags from a mile away. They've made mistakes and stumbled so you don't have to. You've been an observant bystander, coach, and advice giver this whole time and you're more knowledgable for it. People might dismiss your advice because of your lack of experience, but that just makes you more objective. You've seen it all and you know how to be better because of it. Source: iStock
Being Away From Your School Gives You ClarityHere's to not thinking about the social structure of high school ever again. The person you're losing your virginity to is not going to factor in to the high school hierarchy of popularity and coolness. The burden of worrying what other people think never completely goes away but for sure gets less once you graduate. Even the most progressive, loving high school environments have a set of social rules that are frankly a little bit bullshit. No more trying to snag someone your friends aren't going to judge you for because chances are, they're not going to know your college friends until they meet over Christmas break. Problem solved! Source: iStock
You're In Good CompanyLate bloomer party! So many late bloomers grew up to be totally rad and totally hot. Not everyone has to lose their virginities in high school and it's not the end of the world if it doesn't (or didn't) happen for you. Shout out to Tina Fey, Will Ferrell, Lisa Kudrow, Matthew Morrison, Julia Child, and Adriana Lima for showing us that you aren't defined by when you lose your virginity or the story behind it. Who cares? Late bloomers rock. Join the club, it's clearly full of awesome people. Source: iStock
You Do It Because You Want To, Not To Check It Off A ListThere's something wonderful to be said for the level of agency that happens when you lose your virginity as a technical adult. (I say "technical" because you still do a lot of growing up in your college years). There's a whole movie starring Aubrey Plaza about checking off sexual to-do lists before you graduate high school! It's a thing and honestly, do you want your sex life to be a series of to do lists that you're not really feeling, or do you want the moment to arrive and move you when it's supposed to? Your sex life becomes a thought out, conscious decision. Having sex for the first time after high school gets to be a clear choice that you make, not scratching an itch because you "have to." Source: iStock
Are you a high school virgin? What did we forget to include? Let us know in the comments.