If you were to believe some books, most TV shows, and pretty much every rom-com out there, there is nothing that girls who are single like to do more than complain about the fact that they are single. “I’ve been single foreeeeeever,” a pretty heroine’s slightly-heavier BFF will proclaim. “Like, my vagina’s beyond the cobweb stage–there is a family full of literal spiders right up in there. Trust me. It’s a problem. Wanna see?”
IRL? This is not usually the case. Sure, there’s the odd moment of feeling very, very single (usually when you see an ex’s Insta with a new girl and want to throw your phone into the nearest ocean) but, more often than not, it is actually not all that common for most single girls to reveal in great depth the exact state of their vagina and the cobwebs therein. Still, though, if you’re single, it can sometimes be exquisitely satisfying to totally fulfill the old rom-com stereotyp and spend a good amount of time complaining about how single you are–part of which, of course, is figuring out if you’ve actually been single for too long. So go ahead. If you’re single, let your hair down, relax, and check out these signs that maybe, just maybe, you’ve been single for a little too long:
1. You have your “why I’m still single” speech memorized. Because people always ask you.
2. You know, the one that’s like, “I don’t need anyone else in my life to keep me happy–I’m confident and strong, just the way I am, because…” [and at that point you stop because whoever asked you why you’re single has walked away].
3. Though you also have your (fake) “I have a boyfriend” spiel at the ready.
Never know when you’ll need it.
4. Your friends basically assume that you’re going to every school dance alone.
5. As do your parents.
6. Every time your grandma visits, she tries to set you up with the “nice boy” who sings in the church choir with her.
7. You cannot, for the life of you, figure out why any #RelationshipGoals picture should be considered “goals.”
8. And you think you *might* actually throw up if someone were to send you a text like this.
9. You’ve honed your third-wheeling skills to a disturbingly perfect level.
10. Meaning that every school dance picture you have looks something like this.
11. Or this.
12. You might have accidentally had a sex dream about some…odd people. What? You don’t have a lot to work with.
13. If it came right down to it, you’d probably choose being alone over a relationship.
You’ve grown accustomed to your solitude. WHAT OF IT.
Have you been single for a while? Did I forget anything that happens because of this? Let us know in the comments!
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