Being clingy is the kiss of death in relationships, especially over text. Everyone wants to be with someone who is independent, secure, and confident in themselves. Over-texting gives the opposite impression. It’s basically you saying, “You’re the only important thing in my life, and I don’t know what I’d do without you!” Still, it’s so tempting to send needy texts.
I have to admit, I used to be one of those clingy girlfriends. I couldn’t help it! I didn’t have a ton of friends and always wanted to hang out with my boyfriend (to be fair, he was really cool). I took it personally if he ever wanted space or felt like doing things without me. Now that I’m more mature, I make sure to keep my personal life active even if I’m dating someone. It’s important to me to have my own stuff going on.
When I see my girlfriends acting clingy over text messages with a guy, I advise them otherwise. It’s always going to be a turnoff to the other person (unless they’re a doormat, in which case you don’t want to be with them anyways). My rule of thumb is, if you’re not sure if you should text it, don’t.
We asked some real guys what texts came off as too clingy, and here are their answers:
Always Asking What They're Doing"I had just started dating a girl a year younger than me. She was great, but she had a habit of always asking me what I was doing. There wasn't a 'hey do you want to hang out,' it was just that she wanted to know. Mostly I was just annoyed that I had to constantly keep her updated." Michael, 16 Try not to ask what they're doing unless it's for a specific reason. Most people are too busy to be involved with inane texting conversations all day.
The Three Question Marks"Once I started dating a girl who would send '???' if I didn't respond to her text immediately. It seemed really aggressive. I didn't like it and eventually stopped responding to her altogether. I guess the ??? girl kind of deserved to get ghosted." Frank, 24 Unless it's something really time sensitive, avoid doing the three question marks as a text message. It's really off-putting. If you feel like the person isn't texting you back quickly enough, they might not be the best match for you, or you can come to terms that they might have a more lax communication style. The three question marks is too passive-aggressive for most people.
Getting Angry When They Don't Respond"My last girlfriend would overreact every time I didn't answer her text. Like, she thought I was deliberately ignoring her to make her mad. IT DIDN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. We ended up having all these unnecessary fights. I'm busy and I can't text back all the time. That relationship had to end." Greg, 28 No need to be a drama queen over a text message. Try assuming the best rather than the worst.
Saying I Miss You All The Time"I had a girlfriend who would constantly text me that she missed me. ALL THE TIME. It made me feel guilty when I wasn't hanging out with her, and eventually I stopped having my own life. Not good." Kyle, 18 It's okay to occasionally text a guy that you're thinking about him or missing him, but be careful not to overdo it. You want to show them you are okay on your own, too.
Asking Who They Are With"Any time I went out without my last girlfriend, she would text me asking who I was hanging out with. Not only did it make me feel like she didn't trust me, it was just annoying. My friends would always joke about it, and one time they stole my phone and told her that I was hanging out with a bunch of hot, sexy girls. I had to end it- too much hovering." Matt, 17 Space is important in every relationship. Try not to "mom" your man too much. You don't need to know everything he is up to.
Texting About What They Post On Snapchat"This girl seriously was stalking me on all my social media profiles. She was cute, but it was too much. I felt like I was getting interrogated about everything I posted. My friends and I called her 'NSA' behind her back." Grant, 18 It's easy to see something your crush or bae posts and immediately jump to the worst possible conclusion. Don't turn into a detective- leave that for the professionals.
Always Texting Goodnight/Good Morning"I was really into a girl from school. She was perfect- had long brown hair and green eyes. But after she got my number, she texted me EVERY SINGLE night and morning. I like it every once in a while, but so much right off the bat was kind of a red flag for me." Brent, 19 Feel out the other person. Maybe wait for the goodnight/good morning texts for when you agree to be in a serious relationship.
Multiple Texts In A Row With No Question"I had gone on a date with the hottest girl. I seriously couldn't believe my luck. We had great chemistry and made each other laugh. Then, she started texting me. A LOT. And it wasn't, like, questions. It was just random texts. She'd do a bunch in a row and then get mad if I didn't respond. Confusing, to say the least." Max, 15 If the other person doesn't respond to your texts, it could be because they have a different texting style. Feel them out. Don't get mad if they're not wanting to banter back and forth all the time.
Have you ever dated anyone you thought was clingy over text? Let me know in the comments below!