Ask A Guy: What To Do If Your Guy BFF Is Sending You Mixed Signals

Hey Joel,

Okay, so I’m eighteen, a senior in high school and I really like this guy. He’s a year younger and a grade lower but I don’t mind. We’ve known each other for almost a year now but we didn’t get close until I transferred to the same school as him in April of last year. We started talking and whatnot and for a while everyone thought that we were a thing and I started to catch feelings. We were really close for a while and would text and talk on the phone and then out of nowhere he just stopped texting me or calling me but it was still the same us when we were together. I don’t know if we were getting too close and he got scared and backed off  but I just need answers!


There are few things in a relationship that are more critical than communication. Regardless of what phase of together (or even just with your friends) you might be in, if you aren’t having clear conversation, things can go wrong very quickly. The fact that things stopped so suddenly could have occurred for a number of reasons, and him feeling like things were getting to serious is certainly one of them. Everyone gets a bit scared when a friendship starts to border on more than friendship, and most guys don’t know how to handle those emotions. Due to this, the easiest thing for them to do is just cut things off, and sort of forget it ever happened.

But that may not be all that’s going on with your guy.

If you two were having a long-distance friendship of sorts before you moved, there was a physical buffer between you that allowed for a bit more intensity or intimacy without the fear or actual commitment. That is to say, since you both knew it was unlikely you’d see one another every day, you could sort of live two lives. You had the time you spent getting to know each other from a distance, but you could also easily get to know other people without any hurt feelings.

Once you moved, worlds sort of collided, and you two had to figure out pretty quickly whether or not there was something worth pursuing. He may have felt differently about things between you two, and didn’t know how to back things off without damaging your friendship. Also, he may be more interested in someone else, and is again trying to protect your friendship in a very backward way.

It really sounds like what you need to do is sit this guy down and have an honest chat. Ask him why things changed so suddenly, and be clear that even if you two aren’t going to be a thing, you don’t want to lose the friendship. If you clearly convey exactly how you’re feeling, hopefully things will return to normal.

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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