Hey Heather 🙂
I always feel overshadowed by my best friend! She is everything I’m not. She’s pretty and funny and outgoing and cool. My brothers, guy friends, and everyone else always asks me about her. There was this guy I had a crush on… turns out, he liked her better, even though she has a boyfriend. I know it’s not her fault! She doesn’t even realize it’s happening and she loves me to moon and back, but I can’t help but feel bad. I can’t lose her because she’s my best friend, but I feel so helpless and insecure. Sometimes it makes me angry at her even though she didn’t do anything. What should I do?
I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way! I’ve been there, and I know how much it sucks. It’s hard to feel overshadowed by someone, especially when that person is someone you genuinely love and care about. But there is a way to get past it! First, you
The fact is, everyone has different personalities and auras. Some people are more outgoing and friendly, and they get noticed very easily… other people are a little bit more quiet and don’t make quite as big of an impression. This does not mean that one person is better than the other! It just means that everyone is different, and people react to different personalities in their own way. Your friend may exhibit some personality qualities that you would like to have, but that doesn’t mean she’s better than you or “everything you’re not.” As corny as it sounds, you have your own amazing qualities that she doesn’t have and might want also.
That’s all comforting to hear, but how can it help you? This kind of thing has to come from within, which, I know, sounds ridiculous. But this is more about how you feel about yourself than anything else. You have to realize that you are great just the way you are – you have to learn how to feel more confident in yourself, no matter how much attention she’s getting. I know that’s hard, and it can definitely take time. But every time you feel inadequate next to her, remind yourself of the things you love about yourself and try boosting your own confidence.
As for feeling angry towards her about this? That feeling is totally understandable. But at least you realize she isn’t doing this to purposely hurt you! The next time you start to feel pissed off about the attention she gets, give yourself some breathing room. Instead of calling her or hanging out with her, do something on your own or take some time to do something that makes you happy and feel good. Then, once you’ve calmed down, call her. Don’t let her know you’re angry with her – that isn’t going to help anything. Just do your own thing until you’ve relaxed.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at email@example.com