I think it’s fair to say that most of us have a bit of a love hate relationship with our boobs. Maybe we like the shape, but hate our nipples; or we think they’re too big, but love the way they fill out a top; or we think they’re too small, but are digging the fact that finding bathing suits and cute bras are incredibly easy. Basically, all the self-love in the world can’t make us love our boobs all the time, and that’s okay.
Ultimately, whether it’s fickle feelings or legitimate concerns, short of having surgery, our boobs are our boobs, and we’re stuck with ’em. But this post isn’t about finding fluffy, empowering reasons to accept your boobs. Nah, for the time being, screw that. This is about forcing your boob woes to get up close and personal with a little thing called reality with a side of tough love. Check out these eight cold hard truths about your boobs. If any of this leads to you feeling more at one with your breasts, my work here is done!
Saggy Boobs Happen, And That's OkayAs someone with big boobs, I understand how it feels to feel insecure about boobs that aren't perky, but are instead effing big and pretty saggy. Our culture loves a nice rack, but hates saggy tits, doesn't it? Well, you usually can't have both, and even small boobs are susceptible to sagging. BASICALLY: SAGGY BOOBS HAPPEN, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. So what are you going to do about it? Well, you're either going to fork out a ton of money to get plastic surgery and assure that your boobs stick out of your chest like a couple of bowling balls, or you're going to suck it up like the rest of us. If it makes you feel any better, improved posture can make your chest look more elevated, but gravity is going to do its thing, people. Get used to that idea sooner rather than later. Daria
You're Probably Wearing A Crappy Bra That Doesn't FitEven if you're sure that you have the right bra size, or that random bra fitter at Victoria Secret seemed to know what she was talking about (she probably didn't), you should still get a bra fitting at a legit boutique with a large range of sizes or a reputable department store. This is especially important to those of you who complain of back pain or bras that pinch. You really might not be wearing a bra that is actually supporting your boobs, so it's time to get your you know what together and invest in some bras that fit. Oh, and actually take care of them properly too. They better not ever see the inside of a dryer! The Slums Of Beverly Hills
People With Big Boobs Have More Hurtles To Jump Than People With Small BoobsThere are plenty of big boob woes, like dealing with a limited selection of affordable bras, bathing suit tops that are absolute jokes, and a never ending assumption that we're trying to show off our boobs if we wear anything that doesn't resemble a baggy, oversized top. But there are more serious issues at play with having large breasts, too, like back problems and body strain. Breast reduction surgery is gaining popularity for a reason! Yes, I know, having small boobs comes with its own set of mockery, but when it comes to real problems that can actually do real damage? Yeah, big boobs win, hands down. Instagram/Offbeatorbit (Your's truly)
There's No Way Applying Cream To Your Boobs Will Make Them BiggerRemember when Kylie promoted some breast (and butt) enhancing creams? Yeah, that...is complete BS. There is literally nothing that you can rub on your boobs to make them bigger. That's just not how your boobs work. Don't buy into the garbage you read on the internet that insists that rubbing some random oil on your titties will do anything other than make them shiny. Instagram/KylieJenner
You Cannot Exercise Your Boobs AwayOne of my biggest annoyances is when somebody complains about having big boobs and someone else suggests that they exercise. Listen, losing a fair amount of weight can lead to a reduction in breast size, but it's usually not all that drastic. You're not going to jog your way from a DD to a B cup, you're just not, okay? If you're looking towards exercise as a solution to your big boob woes, you're going to end up a little more fit but largely disappointed. YouTube/Oliva Newton John
Gravity Defying Boobs Usually Aren't NaturalIt's really easy to get sucked into how blindingly gravity defying someone's boobs can be. From celebs to people we follow on Instagram, it seems like everybody's boobs are resting on invisible shelves while yours droop away. Well, while some might be naturally perky, the fact is that many either have had work done to their breasts or they're being a little bit deceptive. What do I mean by that? Well, Kim Kardashian revealed that she tapes the hell out of her boobs so that they don't look saggy. You can rest assured that plenty of people who take boob-happy selfies can attribute their perfectly placed boobs to lying down on their backs or adjusting their posture. Essentially, take everything you see with a grain of salt. KimKardashianWest.com
Your Lopsided Boobs Will Always Be LopsidedUnless your boobs grow in such a way that they even out, or you get surgery to fix the problem, your lopsided boobs will always be lopsided. This might be distressing, but if you have lopsided boobs, you might feel better knowing that it's actually fairly common. Broad City
Pink Nipples Aren't Prettier Than Brown OnesSadly, we live in a world dominated by pink nipple supremacy. I'm serious, people actually sell bleaches and dyes for people who wish that they can have "beautiful" pink nipples. This is one of the most genuinely pathetic examples of colorism out there. There is nothing prettier or better about having lighter or pinker nipples. Brown nipples are great, pink nipples are great, all nipples are great, okay? Alibaba.com
What other pesky truths are there about boobs? Did you have to learn any the hard way? Tell us in the comments!