Ask A Guy: What To Do If Your Boyfriend Flakes On Literally All Of Your Plans

Hey Joel,

My boyfriend and I have been together for the past eight months, and he hasn’t taken me out on any dates. I mean, he has planned a lot of dates and then the day we are supposed to go out on the date he calls me twenty minutes beforehand and cancels on me. I would think that should be some sign that he wants to break up with me. Then I see him Monday at school (the dates are normally planed on Friday nights) and he is waiting for me at my locker and he kisses me then he walks me to all my classes and he acts like nothing happened. It’s really giving me mixed feelings and I really don’t know what I should do, do you have any advice?


For so many reasons, it sounds like this guy needs to be shown the door. I know it’s been almost a year together, but everything you’ve said shows a disturbing lack of respect, and leads to some very shady reasoning.

Zero dates in eight months of dating is unacceptable, plain and simple. Even if he’d taken you out on one or two dates, that would still be a solid entry for the Worst Boyfriend award. If you two are dating to the point where you’re using “boyfriend” and “girlfriend,” you should be spending at least one weekend night together, and maybe some time during the school week as well. His lack of making that time says he’d rather do things with other people, and you deserve far better.

The fact that he’s flaking at the last second on a regular basis says to me that whenever he is given the option to hang with other people, he takes that over spending time with you. It’s clear that he thinks so little of your relationship that he doesn’t care that he’s breaking things off at the last second, and he sees you as less worthy than his friends. When he acts like nothing happened on Monday, it confirms that he doesn’t care at all for your feelings or how breaking plans impacted your life.

This all begs the question of what exactly he is doing instead of spending time with his supposed girlfriend. If he’s just hanging out with his guy friends, it’s fine now and again, but he’s making zero time for you. The bigger issue is that he may be out trying to find another girl, or something along those lines.

The bottom line is, this guy wants to be your boyfriend in name only. He’s put in zero work for eight months, and there is no reason you should stand for it any longer. Cut him loose and go find a guy who actually wants to make time for you.

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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