14 Things That Describe Your Life If You’re A Messy Bitch Who Lives For Drama

I have always been of the belief that, if a piece of entertainment is to be considered “good,” it must feature at least one of these two components: Rich people being sad and/or messy bitches who live for drama. This is why Mad Men is a perfect TV show. Don Draper? Rich, sad, and a messy bitch who lives for drama. Roger Sterling? Same. Pete Campbell? Absolutely same. Back in December, however, I discovered a twelve-second video from someone named “Joanne the Scammer” that, objectively speaking, eclipsed every single episode of Mad Men in terms of artistic value:

Have you ever seen anything better? I think not, and if you are anything like me, it has inspired you, too, to be a real messy bitch who lives for drama. Now, while not all of us can reach such scammer-y heights of greatness (I know that I haven’t yet, considering I opened a kombucha that was too fizzy on the Subway the other day and it spilled a little which made me very stressed out), we can at least all work towards achieving Mess, like Joanne. In any case, whether you are a real messy bitch who lives for drama, someone who lives vicariously through the messy bitches amongst us, or somewhere in the middle, you need to check out the best posts about being a messy bitch who lives for drama:

1. You cherish the OG messy bitch, Mariah Carey:


2. This is your only bedtime routine:


3. You have been ~reborn~ as the pettiest version of yourself in the year of our Lord 2016:



4. If not Joanne the Scammer, Nancy Drew is your ultimate inspo:


5. As is Angelica “Sometimes I wish I was you, so I could be friends with me” Pickles:


6. And Neil DeGrasse Tyson:


7. True messy bitches stay messy from their first word…



8. To to their last dying breath:


9. When you try to come clean about your messiness, everyone’s like, “yeah, and?”


10. You are Blac Chyna:

A photo posted by Friday Juice (@juicyalerts) on


11. You’re ~living~ for the moment when Louis throws a drink in Harry’s face on Real Housewives of Simon Cowell’s Empire:



12. After all, mess is not just a state of being–it’s a way of life:


13. You must commit to it in every way you can:


14. No matter what it takes:


Are you a real messy bitch? A liar? A scammer? Do you love robbery and fraud? Which of these posts was your fave? Let us know in the comments!

You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

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  • onexpaperxclip

    this post is everything.