The Agony and the Ecstasy is a biographical novel, written in 1961, about Michelangelo. I have never read it.I do think about it a lot, however, because I am pretty sure that, in this day and age, The Agony and the Ecstasy could probably apply to pretty much anyone’s memoir (no need to be the most famous sculptor of all time!) as long as it was accompanied by the subheader, “I texted my crush and lived to tell the tale.”
This is because texting your crush is basically the worst (but best!) thing in the entire world. I am not saying this to be hyperbolic, you must understand, I am simply saying it because it is true. It’s not like texting a friend, when you can pretty much just say whatever, or texting a significant other, when they’ve already signed up for whatever brand of crazy you might bring to the texting game and just have to deal with it. No, texting a crush is something entirely different–no matter how witty you are, how quick to the draw you might be with the right meme or emoji in your squad’s group text, when you’re texting your crush, it somehow always feels like you’ve managed to say the absolute wrong thing or just kill the conversation entirely.
In fact, if you’re like most people, you might be getting heart palpitations, sweaty palms, and iPhone-induced nausea just thinking about the task of texting your crush. But here’s the thing–even for the most emoji-phobic among us, texting your crush doesn’t have to be as hard as you think it is. Promise. Check out these easy ways to be better at texting your crush:
Don't Worry About Starting The ConversationIf anyone has ever told you that girls should never text first, you can go ahead and erase that from your brain. This is the modern era. Girls can and should text first--it won't look weird or desperate, it'll just look like you're interested in getting to know them. Image source:iStock
Don't Think About It Too MuchYeah, I know. Easier said than done. But if your crush just texted you saying, "What did you think of Ms. Johnson's test on Friday?" or, "Are you going to Kelly's party on Saturday?" don't stare at the text for forty-five minutes trying to parse some hidden meaning from it. They probably just want to know how the test was for you, or if you're going to the party--which, in turn, just means that they want to talk/see to you. Focus on that instead of any weird ulterior motives. Image source:iStock
Resist The Urge To Play GamesI knew a girl in college who had an actual mathematical equation that determined when she'd text a guy back. It was something that involved a base response time of thirty minutes, minus how much she liked the guy, multiplied how long it took him to text her back. It was a mess. Please don't do this. You don't have to be, like, on call for your crush all the time, just don't feel like you'll lose your crush if you respond too fast or too slow or whatever. Just respond at a time that's convenient for you--I guarantee that your crush will respond better to that than to any mind tricks. Image source:iStock
Don't Screenshot EverythingUsually, a tendency to overanalyze also comes with a craving to screenshot a text and send it to all your friends with a million question marks beneath it. Try not to do this--first of all, this is very risky move, logistically speaking, since this screenshot could very easily go to your crush instead. Very awkward. Also, group texts have a tendency to give conflicting information--so, if you must, ask one person for help deciphering a particularly weird text. Otherwise, stay screenshot-free. Image source:iStock
Make Sure You ProofreadI mean, duh. But it should still be said, probably--nothing kills a crush faster than realizing they don't know the difference between "you're" and "your" ; "they're" and "their" ; "too" and "to." While it's not the end of the world if you do this, obviously, just do a quick scan of your text before you send it. Image source:iStock
Make Sure You're Texting Like Someone You'd Want To Text BackWhen trying to play it cool for crushes, lots of people overdo it and accidentally act too cool--as in, like, uninterested. You don't have to overdo it with emojis and exclamation points, obviously, just make sure you're reacting to what they're telling you in a way that shows that you're interested. Image source:iStock
Try Not To DTR Via TextDefining the relationship is awkward enough in person, so there is absolutely no need to add to that awkwardness by doing it through text. While it's tempting to hide out from any IRL repercussions by asking a big relationship question through text, doing it this way actually makes it more complicated, since meanings and intentions often get convoluted and misinterpreted through text. Like, think about how weird just trying to decide where to go eat dinner can be over text. So, if you need to have a DTR chat, just do it in person. Please. Image source:iStock
Did I forget any good advice for texting your crush? What tips would you give? Let us know in the comments!