Like every other girl in the free world, I can’t be certain how many times, exactly, I’ve seen the Ryan Gosling-Rachel McAdams movie The Notebook, but I estimate that the number probably clocks in at about 4,000 views. None of those times were my choice, of course, it’s just that The Notebook is one of those movies that, like acne and hormonal mood swings, gets forced upon girls as an inevitable fact of life around the time they turn thirteen–it’s played at sleepovers. Reblogged in seemingly endless gifs on Tumblr. Referenced so much in group texts and conversations that if one hasn’t seen The Notebook, you might as well just give up.
In fact, when you think about the modern iteration of #RelationshipGoals and all that it entails, there may be no fictional couple that has left a greater mark on those Instagram and Twitter accounts more than The Notebook‘s Allie and Noah. The only problem with this? Just because something is influential doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily good (like, not to be hyperbolic, but just think about Donald Trump). And Allie and Noah, as influential as they might be, are not quite as #goals as you think they might be. Check out these reasons why Allie and Noah actually kinda suck:
1. They inspired “Relationship Goals.”
Most of those “relationship goals” posts you see can probably be traced back to The Notebook in some way. BAD.
2. Noah *literally* stalked Allie before they dated.
Remember that Ferris wheel situation? How he climbed onto it when she was sitting there with another guy and basically threatened to commit suicide unless she went out with him? Not cute!
3. Especially when it comes to that house thing.
Don’t build a house for someone you’re not actually with.
4. Noah’s idea of a good date is lying down in the middle of the road.
It helps Allie be ~vulnerable,~ sure, but, like…normal people don’t force you to lie down in a road where you might potentially get run over by a motor vehicle in order to help you to open up more.
5. When they did get together, pretty much all they did was argue.
Is it passion? Or just the fact that they’re…not compatible?
6. Noah will allegedly do anything for Allie, but he initially refuses to move to New York with her.
It’s not that you should literally uproot your life to be with someone, but Noah’s refusal to move to New York with Allie just seems… lazy? He doesn’t really have anything tying him to the town, so there’s no reason why he should stay.
7. The whole “I wrote you every day for a year” thing is…problematic.
Okay, so her mom was blocking the letters. But at a certain point, if a girl isn’t writing you back, you should probably just assume she doesn’t want to date you and move on.
8. Noah’s means of getting back in touch are persistent, but not effective.
Why didn’t he just…call her? Or go find her? He had her address, after all, considering that he wrote her every day for a year and all that.
9. There’s no mention of Allie and Noah’s actual relationship.
You know, the one between the (problematic) courtship and later scenes in the nursing home. We’re supposed to asusme that it was great, but, like show the receipts. Then we’ll talk.
10. Lon Hammond is better.
JAMES MARSDEN FOR LIFE. DON’T @ME. (Also, their love story is much better–Allie is his nurse after he gets injured in the war and they gradually fall in love. He doesn’t BLACKMAIL her into marrying him.
What do you think about Allie and Noah? Are they still “goals” to you? Let us know in the comments!