I don’t know if you’ve heard yet, but today happens to be International Women’s Day. There are a lot of reasons why people are celebrating, but personally, I’m not about it. A whole day? For women? Sounds stressful! Why, before this “women’s day” situation came to be in 1908, all women had to worry about was popping out seventeen swarthy, sturdy male babies, asking their husbands for enough money to go to the corner store to buy some bolts of muslin to sew some sexy outfits for their babies, and hoping that their pre-vaccination immune systems were strong enough to ward off the latest outbreak of diphtheria and typhoid.
Ah, to go back to this simpler, pre-women’s lib time! Feminism? Overrated! Independence? I’ll pass. Self-autonomy? Thanks, but no thanks. Basically, International Women’s Day is actually totally unnecessary–here’s why:
1. A whole day?? But that’s so much tiiiiiiiime.
International Womens Day, who fucking cares? I'm more into the idea of International Humans Day. I don't need a day to celebrate my gender.
— Lacey Michelle (@VesperVonDOOM) March 8, 2016
2. I *love* it when men explain things to me, personally! I refuse to think for myself!
Should You Explain The Thing To The Lady?
A flowchart! pic.twitter.com/bR6gEXX6Nt
— dormantcyberpathogen (@OaklandElle) September 14, 2015
3. Mansplain me harder, daddy.
4. Plus, women already get so much cool representation in movies and TV.
A gorgeous woman, JANE, 23, is a little tipsy, dancing naked on her big bed, as adorable as she is sexy. *BONUS PTS FOR BEING THE 1ST LINE
— Ross Putman (@femscriptintros) February 10, 2016
5. And in gifs:
— Jenny Han (@jennyhan) March 8, 2016
6. And the media.
everything is wrong pic.twitter.com/CmQBWNvWVq
— Anne Helen Petersen (@annehelen) March 8, 2016
7. Female characters? But…why?
Wanna know why we need #InternationalWomensDay?
'Cause I still have to ask in every writers' rm: "What if we make that character female?"
— Dara Creasey (@DaraCreasey) March 8, 2016
8. And it’s such a *blessing* when men tell women to smile.
If it's so normal and well-intended, why don't men tell other men to smile?
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 31, 2014
9. And tell fun stories at parties.
every single party where women listen interestedly to men is an extended piece of performance art, and men have NO IDEA
— Mallory Ortberg (@mallelis) June 21, 2014
10. And send you unsolicited group sexts for no discernible reason.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) March 2, 2016
11. Who doesn’t love being defined solely by qualifiers?
I've been called a "female comic" so many times, I'll probably only be able to answer to "girl daddy" when I have children.
— Beth Stelling (@BethStelling) May 23, 2015
12. And wildly unequal standards?
"idk man she just went crazy"
is guy-speak for "i did some shit i should probably be in jail for & she was like 'this is unhealthy' & left"
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) July 15, 2014
13. I mean…
— soph (@weloveknowles) March 8, 2016
14. Plus, International Women’s Day just gets in the way of some sick sandwich jokes.
What is this #InternationalWomensDay ? Some sort of sandwich making contest?
— Yung Man (@philavels) March 8, 2016
15. And catcalling.
16. Equality? Who needs it?
Tomorrow is #InternationalWomensDay.
— NLambQatar (@YvettevEechoud) March 7, 2016
What do you think about International Women’s Day? Let us know in the comments!