Have you guys watched Fuller House–the Full House spin off–yet? Cool, neither have I!
Okay, I’m going to be real here: I was never a big fan of Full House growing up and rarely watched it; when it came to family sitcoms, I was more of a French Prince of Bel-Air kind of girl. But any episode of Full House that I actually recall quite well were usually very special episodes ridden with corny, condescending dialogue. To be fair, the ’80s and ’90s were rife with injecting tough subject matter into sitcoms, but few tackled them a way that didn’t feel like a D.A.R.E. lecture, and Full House was a good example. Maybe one of the reasons is because the characters on that show were so wholesome, so almost all of the bad and risky behavior involved other people doing them so that the Tanners could always have the moral high ground. Yawn.
Anyway, while the show did have a couple of very special episodes that weren’t cringe worthy–like the episode when their grandpa died, or the one about drunk driving–there were some particularly cheesy episodes that are worth reminiscing on for all of their over the top glory. Here are eight of the cheesiest very special episodes of Full House.
'Just Say No Way'DJ is pumped about the middle school dance! But her good time is ruined by DJ's date, Kevin, who gets caught up with a couple of rebels who think that alcohol is the best way to spice up such a lame happening. DJ catches the boys drinking, and one of the a-holes sprays beer all over her in retaliation for calling them out. She's pissed and decides to mock them by grabbing the beer and pretending to offer them a drink. But--DUN DUN DUN--Uncle Jesse spots this and thinks that DJ is the one who was drinking. DJ is in a ton of trouble and tries to tell everyone--her uncles, her dad--that she wasn't the one drinking--but despite being a "good kid" nobody believes her because she lied about something totally mundane and unrelated in the past. MAKES SENSE! Kevin eventually owns up that he and his crappy friends were the ones drinking, and then Danny Tanner feels guilty and apologizes to DJ. If I were DJ, I'd hold that over him for life, but I'm petty so... Full House/ABC
'Shape Up'This is, hands down, one of the most iconic Full House episodes ever. Basically, DJ is nervous about Kimmy's upcoming pool party and thinks she'll look terrible in a bathing suit unless she looks like a model. Before I get snarky, I do want to point out that eating disorders and fad diets weren't subjects that were being tackled when this aired in the early '90s, so props to the show runners for bringing it to light in a big way. However, this episode was just loaded with cheese. It was like a pizza with extra cheese and a cheese stuffed crust. None of the adults question DJ's sudden interest in being healthy or losing weight; Jesse even encourages her to exercise if she wants to really lose the pounds. Uh, dude, shouldn't you be wondering why your niece feels the need to lose weight in the first place? In the course of 22 or so minutes we witness DJ skip meals and plaster the fridge with pictures of models for thinspo, and only her little sister Stephanie notices that something is up. It isn't until DJ passes out at the gym that everybody else grows concerned and daddy Tanner eventually has to have a heart to heart with DJ about looking beautiful no matter what. Cute...I guess. But like most TV shows that have a special episode about eating disorders, they're often not that easy to get rid of, so the situation resolving itself so quickly is so unrealistic. I know, this is Full House, but why not at least make this episode a two-parter to actually show more of the dangers of eating disorders and negative body image? Full House/ABC
'Honey, I Broke The House'I'm not sure if this counts as a very special episode or not, but I'm going to talk about it anyway. Stephanie is all bent out of shape because nobody in the house is paying attention to her--they have their own lives, believe it or not. So, one thing leads to another and she...ends up sitting in Uncle Joey's new car and drives it into the house. Yes, we're talking about thousands of dollars worth of damage here. Stephanie's solution is to run away to Mexico, so she says her goodbyes before eventually being coaxed to come clean and tell her dad what happened. Danny Tanner is mad AF, obviously, but Stephanie is worried he won't love her anymore and he assures her that that's not the case. He still loves her, even though she ruined his finances for the foreseeable future. Wow, tender moments. I guess the moral of this episode was...don't play around in a car, destroy your kitchen, and then run away? Full House/ABC
'Fast Friends'Stephanie is at a new school and doesn't know anybody, but she befriends a girl named Mickey on the girl's bathroom. The problem is that Mickey is friends with a crew of rebellious girls, including a real peach named Gia who tries to pressure Steph into smoking. Steph declines and is mocked relentlessly for it, and Mickey is too spineless to defend her. Steph wants some help figuring out what she should do, so she calls into the radio show that her dad and uncles are hosting, disguises her voice, and asks about peer pressure and smoking. Cue eye rolling. Of course, the guys tell her that a real friend doesn't pressure you into things you don't want to do, that smoking is bad, etc. Dad Danny figures out that Steph is the one who made the call and they have a heart to heart. At the end of the episode, Steph stands up to the mean girls and Mickey stands by her side; they bond over...not smoking in a middle school bathroom. Honestly, I think it's episodes like this that take such a heavy handed approach to serious issues like smoking that make smoking seem cool. Also, I honestly think that the trope of peer pressuring friends into smoking is a little unrealistic. Even if somebody offers you a smoke, it's rare that they're going to stop being friends with you for declining. Like...that doesn't really happen, y'all. Full House/ABC
'Making Out Is Hard To Do'Stephanie's pal Gia (yeah, they become friends) hosts a party and promises to invite a boy, Bobby, who has the hots for Steph. When her pops Danny finds out about it and asks if there will be parental supervision, Gia lies and says yes. Stephanie still doesn't realize that this isn't an average party and doesn't know what's really up until she shows up at Gia's house with a board game. Surprise, Steph! This is a make out party, and Bobby is waiting for some heavy petting! Steph would really rather get to know Bobby before their tongues start wrestling, but he peer pressures her into a lip lock because everybody else will think they're losers if they aren't swapping spit. Steph kisses him for a bit, but her anxiety is cramping everybody's style so Gia suggests that she just call her big sis to pick her up. But who shows up at the door? HER DAD! Uh oh~ There's a moral lesson somewhere here about not having a party without permission and to tell the truth and stuff, but the focus should have really been about not being pressured to make out with boys you don't know just so you can look cool. Full House/ABC
'Stephanie's Wild Ride'Stephanie and her friend Gia want to look cool for these Cool '90s Teen Boys™ they just met at the mall. To do this, they pretend to be older than they really are and tell these boys that they're sixteen instead of, like, thirteen years old or something. That's our first warning sign. The next comes with the girls join these boys for a joy ride in one of their cars. This joy ride, by the way, includes speeding around corners, inane lane switching, and playing chicken with a semi truck. Apparently reckless driving is cool, and Gia tells Stephanie that instead of being afraid for her life, she needs to loosen up and have fun about almost dying in a car crash. Cool. Well, Stephanie tells DJ about her wild adventure, and DJ freaks out like a normal person would. When Gia invites Stephanie to join the boys on another joyride, DJ threatens to narc on her if she goes, so Stephanie declines the invite and has a tantrum. But apparently it's good that she didn't go, because dad tells her that Gia was injured in a car accident with those naughty boys! Everybody is glad that Steph didn't decide to join them, which is understandable. But why wasn't she more concerned about the fact that her BFF was in a car accident? The moral of this episode was don't trust teen boys and don't worry about your BFF if you're in the hospital because at least it's not you. Full House/ABC
'The Apartment'DJ's boyfriend Steve ends up moving to his own apartment, and DJ thinks it is cool AF. I won't even get into why it's super unrealistic for a teen boy to afford an apartment in San Francisco all by himself but I digress... Papa Tanner is uncomfortable about the prospect of his daughter being alone at her bae's new place because THEY MIGHT DO SEX THINGS. He's not wrong to be paranoid, because in that episode Steve does try to convince DJ that they should totally do it, but after a little making out DJ realizes that she's not ready. Steve is cool with it, which is good, but the trouble comes when the fall asleep on the couch and are discovered by DJ's super nosey dad. Dad is obviously upset, even though nothing happened, but this leads to a talk about growing up, respecting privacy, etc. Okay, but here's the real question: Is this seriously the closest this show ever came to actually talking about sex? If so, wow, in the era of AIDS, teen pregnancy increases, and a general push toward better sex education, this was a crappy attempt to tackle sex in a real way. Full House/ABC
'Michelle Rides Again'This is a two part series finale episode that features Michelle falling off of a horse and getting amnesia. So, yeah, Full House went full soap opera with the dramatics here. I actually caught this episode on TV recently and was amazed by how over the top this whole incident played out. Honestly, the fam should be happy that the girl didn't break her spine or die by falling off of a big ass horse, but okay, I guess temporarily losing your memory for a couple of episodes does suck. Full House/ABC
What other episodes of Full House were super cheesy? Which eps did you actually like? Are you going to watch Fuller House or do you have more self-respect than to do that? Tell us in the comments!