7 Ways To Adjust To A New Relationship After Being Single For A While

The beginning of every relationship is always a little weird , right? You have to get used to another person’s oddities and quirks (and let them get used to yours).  Try to figure out what, exactly, is juuuuust the right amount to be texting them (too little seems uninterested; too much seems clingy). And, of course,you have to know when the right time is to stop acting polite and proper around them (like Drake and Rihanna in the “What’s My Name” video)  and when you can really become your true, weird self (like Drake and Rihanna in the “Work” video. Either part one or part two).

You know what’s extra weird, though? Starting to date someone new after you’ve been single for a while. Whether you’ve been single for your whole life and this is your first actual relationship, or it’s just been a a sizeable chunk of time since your last boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s tougher than it should be to jump into something new–no matter how giving, altruistic, and caring you are, you’re kind of used to just having to care about and maintain your relationship with yourself. Having to consistently be concerned with–or, if not “concerned,” involved, perhaps–another person’s life to a degree that’s more significant than your friends and family is an odd transition. You can make it easier for yourself, though! Check out these easy ways to adjust to a new relationship:


Be Honest

I mean, duh. But you have to let your partner know that being in a relationship is something kind of new for you, and, as such, you'll need some time to get used to it. Your new boy or girl will be happy to know and help you get used to it.

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Make Sure Your 'Relationship Goals' Are Realistic

If you follow any of those "relationship goals" accounts on Instagram, you might have some skewed ideas of what being in a relationship entails (aka selfies, matching sweatpants, and giant teddy bears). While you should have goals in your relationship, of course--see more on that here--just make sure that they're realistic, not geared towards being an Instagram-famous couple.

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Over-Share

Okay, don't actually over-share--no need to send minute-by-minute updates on your bowel movements or anything--but remember that you have to share more than you were probably used to when you were single, since relationships rely on communication. So, start with little things--telling your partner how your day went, thing you want to do with them, what you're looking forward to during the weekend, whatever--and move on to bigger ones, like letting them know if things aren't going so well. Feeling unhappy about something in the relationship? Tell them--if you don't, the problem will just continue to fester. This seems obvious, but it's kind of easy to forget when you're starting a new relationship--so, just keep communication in mind.

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Ask For Information

Just as you should share things with your partner, you have to get used to asking your bae about their lives. This should come pretty easily--since, you know, if yo're dating someone, I assume you have at least some sort of genuine interest in their life--but make sure you're inquiring about things going on with them. This can be little things, like day-to-day activities, as well as bigger issues, like things in relation to their family or your relationship.

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Remember To Compromise

Ugh, the C-word--compromise. Still, it's pretty necessary. You're probably used to doing things your own way--doing this on Friday nights, hanging out with these people at school, etc. Your partner, on the other hand, probably has some things different going on. Being in a relationship doesn't mean that you have to give up your own thing, it just means that you have to talk about it and figure out where you can meet in the middle to make your relationship successful.

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Ditch Your Loose Threads

Part of being single in this day and age usually involves having some collection of...people. Sometimes they're exes, but most of the time they're old hookups, flings, and "might have beens" that you keep on your plate just because. When you're single, you can have a lot of these things going on with little-to-no-consequences. When you're in a relationship, though, you have to cut them off. This sounds obvious, of course, but it's easier said than done--it's tempting to keep in some sort of contact with exes and past hookups to see "what might happen" or "just in case," but nothing kills a new relationship faster than keeping tabs on  these loose threads. You don't have to, like, delete them from your life or anything, just don't send any texts that might be construed as flirty and definitely make it clear that you are dating someone new.

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Don't Lose Your Independence

Sometimes, people in new relationships tend to swing too far down the boyfriend or girlfriend spectrum and end up neglecting their friends, previous hobbies, and basically losing all of their autonomy. Don't let this happen to you! Make sure you're still hanging out with your old friends, doing the things you liked to do before you starting dating this new person, and taking some time to just be with yourself every now and then. If you feel like you're spending all of your time with bae or your friends are saying things like "we never see you anymore," this could be a sign that you might be a little too committed to your new relationship.

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Are you in a new relationship? Do you agree with these tips? Let us know in the comments!

You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

 

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