Ask A Guy: Do Guys Judge You For Casual Hookups?

Hey Joel,

I’m a freshman in high school and all of my friends are always playing around with guys, like flirting and having little flings and such, but I always feel like I’m going to be judged if I do any of that. I don’t want to be labeled as anything. Is it okay to give random cute guys your number and have many flings (only one at a time of course) or is that considered being slutty?


There is no set of rules or magic number that leads to someone being considered promiscuous. Whether it’s a guy or girl, it has a lot to do with the way you carry yourself, and you also need to understand that many people call others names for absolutely no good reason.

If you like a guy, or being around guys, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s completely natural at your age to have a new-found interest in guys (or girls, for that matter), as dating and things like that are starting to become part of your reality. But just because you want to meet new guys, it doesn’t mean you have to do anything beyond that, so don’t think you have to jump into the pool when you’re just dipping your toe in.

In terms of being judged–are you judging your friends for their flirting and whatnot with guys? If you are, then you need to ask yourself why, and if you are okay having other people pass a similar judgment on you if you act exactly like they do.

There’s also a difference between having a hookup here and there versus slowly making your way through the entire football team. With every guy you meet, it’s your choice how far things go, and if you make sure you’re only getting to know quality guys, I wouldn’t worry too much about people spreading rumors about you.

That all being said, why do you care what other people think about you in terms of talking to guys? You shouldn’t feel any pressure at all to talk to guys just because your friends do. If you’re not comfortable flirting and exchanging numbers, then don’t. If you talk to a guy pretty regularly but don’t want to give him your number, that’s your business. Do what makes you comfortable and move at your own pace. If others have issue with that, it’s their problem.

If I were you, I’d get out there a bit and see if you enjoy flirting and getting to know some of the guys your friends hang out with. If you don’t, you can always stop going out and doing that, but you won’t really know until you give it a try.

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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