Ever had a crush on someone? I wouldn’t recommend it, personally, because having a crush on a real, human person is no joke. Well, sometimes it is, when you’ve had a crush for a while and you think they waved to you in the hallway at school, so you give the biggest, most vigorously unmistakable wave back, and they’re like, “No, I was waving at my girlfriend Sophie who is standing behind you,” and you’re like, “Oh, hahahahahaha, that’s so funny, I thought you were waving to me because I think about you literally all the time, so I interpret every slight movement you make in my direction as a sign that we will one day be betrothed. My mistake!” Considering the various forces involved in playing it off–mistaken identity, the construction of a meet cute gone wrong, your forced laughter and comically reddened face–this is a joke, technically. It’s just not very funny.
Anyway. The point is, any genuine, IRL interaction that you have with your crush is bound to cause you to do some pretty weird things. Some things that are so weird, in fact, that you’d rather just forget about them because you’re almost positive that you’re the only person on the face of the Earth to behave in such a way and you’d like to take it to your grave, thanks. But here’s the thing–you’re not the only one who accidentally acts like a psychopath every time you talk to your crush (plus, you’re probably not acting quite as odd as you think you are). Check out the weird things you thought only you did when you’re talking to your crush:
1. Reveal something that could only have been learned through excessive Internet stalking.
2. Like, “Did your mom ever find someone to buy your old snowboard? I know she was looking. I saw the posts you were tagged in about it. Four years ago.”
3. Accidentally make the conversation, like, way too real.
4. By saying something like, “Oh, you like The Beatles? ‘And I Love Her’ was my parents’ wedding song. They got divorced last year, which has been hard for me. I love The Beatles too, though!”
5. Try to rectify the situation by doing your best cute, infectious Julia Roberts laugh.
6. Realize that this laugh was actually very scary–everyone in the hallway turned around to scare at you and your crush asked if you are “okay.”
7. Do your best to seem “chill.”
8. Overdo it and give off vibes that might be considered more “catatonic” than purely “chill:”
9. Accidentally pepper your sentences with phrases that you’ve literally never said before, but think you’ve overheard your grandpa saying once.
10. Like “Criminy!” and “Jumpin’ Jehosaphat!” Why???
11. Suddenly forget how to pronounce every word in the English Dictionary.
12. Is “lapels” pronounced LAY-pels or la-PELS? “Inevitable” in-EVITABLE or IN-evITABLE? You may never know for sure–you just know what you did say was 100% wrong, probably.
13. Get into one of those weird conversational holes in which you accidentally imply that you knew a lot about something that you actually have zero knowledge on–like chem trail conspiracy theories or Game Of Thrones–and have to maintain it throughout the entire conversation.
Have you ever done any of these things? Did I forget anything? Let us know in the comments!