It’s hard to be super confident when you’re too busy being way too hard on yourself. We are all meaner to ourselves than we would ever be with someone else – and that usually comes from things we do all the time that we don’t realize are ruining our self-esteem. If you talked to a friend the way you to talk to yourself when you mess up, do you think they would get offended or upset, or would they feel inspired to do better? If it’s not the latter, then you have to stop treating yourself that way. Personally, I even go so far as to be hard on myself for being to hard on myself. It’s an endless cycle.
There’s a reason you’re hard on yourself – you’re striving for a level of excellence and trying to hold yourself accountable. That’s a good thing! However, being too hard on yourself will almost always backfire. You’ll put so much energy into beating yourself up that you’ll fail to see possible solutions or give it another try. Writer Robert Montenegro puts it this way:
“Constant negative self-assessments lead to low self-esteem, which in turn lead to acts of self-sabotage. You begin to feel like you don’t deserve happiness; you put less effort into achieving your goals; you fail; you feel bad. Wash, rinse, repeat.”
You might not even realize these little things you’re doing are making it harder for you to love yourself, which is why you need to read on.. You’re amazing. Here are 10 things you do all the time that are ruining your self-esteem:
You Can't Accept A ComplimentWhen someone tells you something good about yourself, your skin starts to crawl. "No, no, no," you say as you try to deflect the kind words. NOTHING MAKES YOU FEEL MORE UNCOMFORTABLE THAN SINCERE PRAISE. Accepting a compliment would mean admitting to yourself that you're great, and that's not something that you're willing to do. Source: iStock
You Don't Give Yourself Enough CreditYou accomplished a goal! YAY YOU!! But...wait...what is this? You're not celebrating. When anyone acknowledges you, you give them a list of reasons why your accomplishment wasn't that great. You're not giving yourself enough credit for your hard work!! When you don't pat yourself on the back occasionally, you lose sight of how far you've come. Source: iStock
You're Always ApologizingDo people tell you that you say, "Sorry" too much? That means that you're apologized for things that weren't your fault enough that people noticed it. UNNECESSARY. Source: iStock
You Replay Your Mistakes Over And Over In Your HeadThis rarely happens: you say the wrong thing, feel bad for a second, and then move on with your life. Instead, you dwell on things you've done for an unhealthy amount of time. The moments before you go to bed are just a movie of all the things you've done wrong. It's an exhausting way to live. Source: iStock
You Take Responsibility For Things That Aren't Entirely Your FaultWhen your group project fails, you spin into a frenzy of self-hate. The fault isn't all on your shoulders, though. YOU REALIZE THAT, DON'T YOU? I hope so. Source: iStock
Your Friends Tell You To Lighten UpYour BFFs care about you and don't want to see you be so hard on yourself. If they're telling you that you're being harsh, you should probably believe them. They have perspective that you don't. My friends try to tell me all the time that I don't give myself enough credit, but I usually don't take their words to heart. Source: iStock
One Bump In The Road Completely Derails YouObstacles, as you know, are one hundred percent guaranteed to arise on your path to success. Yet when things go wrong with you, you take it as a sign that you weren't good enough to begin with and should quit. You start comparing yourself to others and think, "If I'm not perfect right away, why bother." WRONG. If Steve Jobs gave up when his products didn't work you probably wouldn't have a smartphone in your hand right now. TRUTH BOMB. Source: iStock
You Beat Yourself Up Over Little MistakesYou were twenty minutes late to dinner with your friend, and you might as well have killed a litter of puppies. You feel so bad. You don't have to punish yourself when you mess up. Source: iStock
You Have Fits Of AnxietyThe anxiety you feel could be a result of you not measuring up to what you think you "should" be. You have your entire life planned out, but let's be honest- life never cooperates with the blueprint. While other people are a bit more flexible when their plans change, you can't get over the fact that everything didn't work out "perfectly." Source: iStock
You Hold Yourself To Impossible StandardsYou have to be perfect or it's not good enough. You freak out if you gain a few pounds, if you didn't ace the test, or if you accidentally say the wrong thing. It's one thing to have goals, and it's another to have unrealistic expectations of yourself. Source: iStock
Are you a person who is too hard on yourself? How do you know? Let me know in the comments below!