Is It Really Wrong To Be Turned On By Rape Fantasies?

I feel like I should preface this by explaining what rape actually is. Or at least, what the word means to me. Rape is a form of sexual assault. It’s when a person is forced into an act of sexual intercourse (which can include penetration of the mouth, anus, or vagina) without giving any consent. So in other words, a person is taken against their will and abused sexually. That kind of experience can lead to psychological trauma and it’s usually extremely hard to for victims to cope.

So when I discovered this thread on our boards from one of our readers, asking if it’s actually wrong to have rape fantasies, I was intrigued. It wasn’t the first time that I’ve seen such polar opposites, or words like “rape” and “fantasy,” paired together like pieces of the same puzzle. But I immediately got the feeling that this was just a matter of miscommunication or a lack of understanding. Because after all, there is nothing beautiful or sexy about being forced to do something that you clearly don’t want to do.

rapeculture

This is what one of our readers, ShellyB, had to say in the forum: “…I do wonder, I mean, if I fantasized about murdering people, would that be OK as long as I didn’t do it? I mean maybe it would be OK up to a point but, would it be considered “acceptable to a point” or would it be considered “perfectly fine”? Or, what if I fantasized about being murdered? Or fantasized I died in a building fire? I mean in normal life we don’t enjoy fantasizing about bad things. So what is different about rape that makes it common to enjoy fantasizing about, yet horrified by in real life?”

Shelly raised such an interesting question here. I mean, you can’t help but wonder, what is it about rape that makes it such a sexy turn on for some people, and why is it so common?

Well, before we tackle that question, take a look at what another reader, WaterBaby, had to say: “I think you’d be into BDSM. It’s consensual and there’s a safe word, so if it becomes too much to handle you can stop it. You’re not being raped, but you have that kind of aggressive, dominated stimulation. But you should neeeeeeeever hope to get raped.”

See, the thing about most “rape fantasies” is that they’re not actually rape fantasies. Rather, they’re daydreams about BDSM sexual encounters, because you’re in a situation where you actually want to be dominated by someone who is much stronger than you (or it could be the other way around). There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being turned on by the idea of being taken, handled, or controlled like a submissive, but to call that rape would mean turning it into something completely different because BDSM and rape are not the same thingWith rape, victims don’t get a say in what happens to them. Rapists are only concerned about getting sexual gratification for themselves, regardless of how painful it turns out to be for their victims. But on the other hand, with BDSM, the submissive does have some control because the sex is consensual. Like WaterBaby mentioned, they can enjoy the aggressiveness of it and come up with a safe word for when things get too uncomfortable or painful.

So, now that we’ve established what the difference is between rape and BDSM, here’s the interesting question: Is it really wrong to be turned on by rape? And does that make you a bad person?

Here’s what RagazzaMatta had to say: “You’re totally not alone! I’ve done it a lot and still do. And I consider myself a good and normal person.”

Another reader, LizzyGirl, also said: “Rape fantasies are very common in women. In fact, they’re one of the most common. They are also common in men. It doesn’t mean that the people who have them really want it to happen. That’s why it’s called a fantasy. There’s nothing wrong or bad with any fantasy. Where it could become a problem is if you try to make it real (assuming the fantasy would be risky to actually act out) or if it starts consuming too much of your thought, as in becomes an obsession. In that case, it doesn’t matter what the fantasy is. It’s the obsession that is the problem.”

It’s a pretty complicated question to think about, because like I mentioned before, I feel like most people are just mislabeling “BDSM” as “rape.” However, regarding those who are actually turned on by rape and not BDSM, I wouldn’t say that it makes them bad people. I feel like we all have those moments where we glamorize some of the most disturbing and terrifying things, and like Lizzy said, it doesn’t mean that we actually want these dark fantasies to happen in real life. But, if these fantasies happen all the time to the point where it becomes an obsession, then something is definitely wrong. I mean, chances are, the more you think about it, the more likely you are to try and make those fantasies a reality.

So in short, while there’s nothing at all sexy about rape, being aroused by the idea of it doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. People have blurred the lines between that and BDSM to the point where they’re sometimes seen as the same thing (which is seriously messed up), and so I can understand why some people are turned on by the thrill of being dominated. However, instead of being so quick to label these desires as “rape fantasies,” I feel like people should try to understand what rape really means and look a bit more into BDSM. Because in the end, what it all boils down to is a major misunderstanding.

What do you think about rape fantasies? Do you think that it’s messed up to have them? Tell us in the comments below!

You can follow the author, Nakeisha Campbell, on Twitter and Instagram.

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