Ask A Guy: Is It Ever Okay To Pursue Your Crush On A Teacher?

Hey Joel,

I started dance lessons four months ago, and everything was great. But for about a month now, I’ve realized that I am really into my teacher. He’s about three years older than me so the age is not an issue. The problem is that while he is very friendly with us, unfortunately he is very professional and he is not extremely interested in further communication with his students after the lesson. I only have the chance to talk with him during class and it’s only for an hour per week. I’m not sure how should I approach him or how to show him that I am interested. Also, I’m quite shy and so is he. Quite some issue, huh? Please tell me what you think. It’s really important because I rarely feel this way.


Whether it’s in school or within a hobby, when there is a teacher-student relationship of any sort, it can lead of all sorts of confusion. By nature, anyone who is passionate enough about a subject to spend their life teaching it to others is going to give off that love to their students, and it can often be misinterpreted. Due to this, it can often make you feel as if the teacher has feelings for you, when it’s actually them showing their passion for teaching to others. Add in the fact that you’re discussing something as intimate as dance, and the confusion multiplies quickly.

Beyond misunderstandings, there are laws and ethics at play here. In most casual settings, and in ALL formal settings, even the idea of flirting or dating between teachers and students is strictly forbidden, and can cost him his job. Even if you’re both really into one another and both over eighteen, there are laws and guidelines that prohibit teacher-student relationships in much the same way that bosses can’t date their employees without risking their job.

Chances are, you don’t want him to lose his job, so it’s probably best to forget the idea of dating him and understand why you feel the way you do. Whenever you have a shared passion with someone, it’s going to be much easier to connect with and get along with that person. This is, in many ways, the entire basis for successful relationships: having things in common. Whether it’s an art form, a hobby or something else, finding another person who loves the same things as you is always a great place to start.

But even though you two share a passion for dancing, this guy is totally a no-go. As you said, he is extremely professional and makes it clear he wants no further communication with students outside of the lesson. You need to respect that, as it’s really all there is to your question. He’s off limits–so enjoy your dancing and find someone new!

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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