There’s nothing shameful about being single. Most people in relationships even get a little jealous of single people from time to time because you have freedom to explore and figure yourself out. When you’re single for an extended period of time, however, strange things can start to happen. You start relating to people in a way that is unique to the chronically single. Singlehood becomes your identity, and you are unsure of what being a relationship would even be like. You partake in activities that people in love would gasp at.
I’ve been single for six years. Compared to my friends, that’s a long time. Why have I been single? I just happen to have an amazing combination of introversion, average looks, and lack of social skills that men find irresistible. Don’t worry, I have been dating (and by dating I mean sleeping with people for three month periods of time until the pain of the realization they will never love me outweighs my need for physical intimacy). In all seriousness, though, being single isn’t bad. I have a lot of time to focus on my goals and work towards a lifestyle that I’ve always dreamt of. Navigating the dating world isn’t my favorite, but I think I’ll figure it out eventually.
Here are some weird things that happen when you’re single for a long time:
1. You get used to having everything your way.
When you’re single for a long time, you get out of the habit of compromising. You’re used to keeping your room exactly how you want it, going to bed when you want, and making whatever plans sound the best to you.
2. Your friends start to question your sexuality.
If you’re heterosexual single for a long time, people around you will start to suspect that the reason you’re single is that you’re gay. If you are- cool! If you’re not, this kind of speculation can get annoying.
3. You start fantasizing about everyone in your life.
No one is safe. Not your teacher, your neighbor, nor your doctor… you are thirsty. No one can take your imagination away from you!
4. You start being strategic about which underwear you wear.
You have these nice, expensive lacy panties, but you don’t want to ruin them with overuse before someone special can see them (if you get my drift). You’ll whip them out for the occasions that you think they might get seen. You’ll feel a tinge of sadness, though, when you take that special pair of underwear off at the end of the night and it didn’t get any airtime.
5. You question being on birth control.
You could end up in a relationship NEXT WEEK! So, should you stay on birth control in the hopes that you’ll land a man? Or do you stop the birth control because you don’t necessarily need it. DECISIONS.
6. You get annoyed by overly romantic movies and books.
“LOVE ISN’T REAL” you’ll scream at the latest Nicholas Sparks movie as you throw popcorn at the screen.
7. You’ll grow out your leg hair for obscene amounts of time.
Shaving your long, gorgeous legs is just wasted energy, you know? Sometimes you won’t even realize how long you let it grow until someone notices. You just DGAF.
8. You get slut shamed by girlfriends.
NOT COOL. It’s inevitable that the girls you know in relationships will look down on you for your single ways. They don’t understand what it’s like for a single girl nowadays. YOUR BODY, YOUR RULES.
9. You run with a motley crew.
Your weekend crew is a ragtag group of single people because you can only third wheel-it for so many nights. You’re a suicide squad of sorts, roaming the streets in search of a good time.
10. You feel like you’re choosing between food and love.
You know you probably should skip dessert to attract that man of your dreams, but food brings you such immediate joy. I always choose the chocolate lava cake.
11. You stalk hot people on Instagram.
Why not? You scroll through that Instagram eye candy with no shame. Single people can ogle all they wan.
12. You start “treating yourself” on the regular.
No one else is going to spoil you rotten, so you take the reigns. However, you can start using this excuse a little too often. I can be heard saying, “Treat yo self” quietly under my breath multiple times a day.
13. You develop odd hobbies.
You have lots of time on your hands, so end up doing some random stuff. But you meet a lot of awesome and interesting people along the way!
What weird things happen to you when you’re single? Did you relate to the above? Let me know in the comments below!