Flirting is one of those things that you’re either great at or horrible at. Once you get the hang of it, flirting with someone comes naturally and feels pretty easy – but until you get to that point, flirting can be your worst nightmare. And chances are, if you’re a girl who is bad at flirting, you know it. You know it, and it tortures you. On paper, you’re amazing: beautiful, smart, talented, and fun. But in real life, you push possible partners away by being awkward, shy, timid, and maybe standoffish. You send out a million tiny signals that you’re not actually interested (or that you’re way too interested) when you want to do the opposite. Your flirting skills need some work!
I’m a great flirt when I don’t really like the person I’m talking to. I am dazzlingly witty, overly touchy, and coy beyond belief. But the second I really like someone, all that goes out the window. I either clam up completely or become the meanest, snootiest girl on the planet. Neither option is attractive to someone of the opposite sex. I’ve been single for years and years while my friends seem to jump from relationship to relationship. SO FRUSTRATING. However, I’m learning to be better at flirting by actually acknowledging that the things I’m doing are turning people away.
That said, I know some of you are in the same boat as me! Here are 14 things all girls who are bad at flirting do:
1. Put your crush down constantly.
So, “mean flirting” sometimes works, but very rarely. It has be the perfect mix of sarcastic humor and gentle teasing, while still managing to get the real point across (that you want to make out with them). The same way you wouldn’t want a guy putting you down in order to get in bed with you (that’s called negging), don’t do it to someone else.
2. Avoid the other person like the plague.
This seems obvious, but a lot of us girls tend to stay away from the people we like because we’re nervous. We hear the advice that we need to make a move, but when it comes down to it, we can’t do it.
3. Act too cool for school.
You might have the instinct to act detached and cool when someone flirts with you in an effort to play hard-to-get. Playing this game is really tough, and if you act like you don’t care at all, you’re only going to turn the other person off.
4. Laugh way too much.
There’s laughing at their jokes, and then there’s nervous over-the-top laughter. If you do the latter, it’s probably turning off your potential partner.
5. Send a million texts.
We’ve all been there – texting too much with the person we like. CLASSIC ROOKIE MOVE. A great flirter has self control when texting.
6. Close off your body.
People read body language. If you’re turned away with your arms crossed, you’re sending the wrong signals.
7. Flirt with their friend.
A lot of girls have the instinct to flirt with the person they like’s friend. WHERE DOES THAT COME FROM? Maybe you want to make the person you like jealous, but it’s not a good technique.
8. Get too into them too fast.
Once you get too into them, you’re flirting technique is going to go downhill. Try to keep the fantasizing to a minimum if you want to stay cool while flirting with that amazing person.
9. Talk to your friends more than your crush.
If you’re with a group of people and your crush is there too, don’t ignore them or talk loudly with your friends to try to make them see how cool you are. Talk to them!
10. Point out all of your “flaws.”
Don’t talk about all the stuff you don’t like about you when you’re trying to flirt. It’s NEVER a good idea. Being self-deprecating can be very funny, but it can easily make you look insecure.
11. Tell a ton of people who your crush is.
The more people you tell, the more obvious it’s going to be to your crush that you like them. Friends are annoying like that. A good flirter keeps things cool and breezy.
12. Get ahead of yourself.
The second you start joking about marriage or kids or even boyfriend/girlfriend labels, the flirting goes downhill.
13. Avoid eye contact.
Eyes are the windows to the soul. A good flirter will always use eye contact as a tool for love. That sounds corny, but it’s so true!
14. Talk about your ex.
Flirting 101: never talk about your ex. It’s not sexy. JUST STAY AWAY!
Are you good or bad at flirting? Let me know in the comments below!