14 Things Nobody Tells You About Losing Your Virginity In Your 20s

Big announcement: I finally had sex! Yes, actual penis in vagina intercourse. If you’ve been reading Gurl for a while now, you might remember one of my first posts way back in 2013 about how I’d never even been kissed yet. Well, things have, uh, definitely changed since then, and I’m happy that I have that whole virginity thing over with.

With that said, theres a bit of novelty to my story: while most people seem to have sex for the first time in their teens, I lost mine firmly at the dead center of my twenties. Yeah, I even made it through college without having sex. And for the record, it’s not because I’m religious or I was waiting for my one true love. Nope, I was just a bit of a late bloomer in the romance department and never really cared all that much about getting a boyfriend. I’ve been in a relationship (my first) for over a year and a half, and after a few disastrous attempts at p in v sex in the past, I finally got it over with.

Thoughts? It was painful and not all that fun to be honest. But that’s not what I’m here to blab on about. I want to let you in on 14 things that nobody tells you about losing your virginity in your twenties. Whether high school is almost over, or you’re in college and can see your the big two-zero approaching, or you’re chillin’ in your early twenties and haven’t had sex, there’s definitely a few things you should know before taking the dive.


1. Being older doesn’t make it easier or less painful. 

Maybe I’m just a wimp, but penetrative sex was incredibly painful to me, no matter how much lube I had or how much I relaxed my muscles. Out of curiosity I asked my BF if the first virgin he had sex with when he was a teenager took the pain as badly as I did, and he admitted that she didn’t. Womp womp womp. So, yeah, being older won’t necessarily mean that it’ll hurt less.


2. It’s a lot less stressful than doing it as a teenager.

How would I know, right? I mean, I’m just thinking logistically. When you’re a teenager and living at home, you have to be a lot more sneaky about planning to have sex, or you have to worry about getting caught in the act. When you’re in your twenties? You’re probably living on your own in some capacity, or your partner is, so no more trying to do it in the car so that nobody sees you.


3. No matter what your expectations are, it won’t happen the way you imagine.

You can plan as much as you want, and you can gather as much advice as you can from your friends. At the end of the day, things will happen that you didn’t anticipate.


4. Age doesn’t equal experience.


There are dudes in their twenties who are just awful in bed and can barely use protection properly. Luckily, that wasn’t the case for me, but don’t assume otherwise.


5. But experience is still more likely, which can lead to a better experience overall.


Again, this isn’t a hard and fast rule because of the aforementioned rule, but experience can definitely come in handy. I’m glad my boyfriend lost his v-card ages ago, because he actually knew what he was doing and could help guide my body, calm my nerves, etc. If you both have no idea what you’re doing…well, that could be way more stressful.


6. Missionary might not be the best way to do it the first time.


Not to get into TMI territory, but missionary felt incredibly painful to me. After switching positions, sex because a lot easier. Try being on top or even on your hands and knees.  Whatever is comfortable for you.


7. You’re going to be surprisingly sore the next day.

In places you never expected, trust me. Ouch. Like, why did my legs hurt for three days?


8. You might be incredibly underwhelmed.


The sex itself might not be enjoyable at all for you during your first time, and that’s okay. It’s mostly about getting it over with anyway. If you do happen to have an amazing first time, however, congrats! You’re a rare lil’ diamond, dude.


9. Communicate as much as possible.


Please, don’t be shy to speak up! If your leg is aching, say so. If a certain position is excrutiatingly painful, say so. If you need to take a break, say so. Don’t be put into an even more uncomfortable situation than you’re already in because you’re afraid of awkwardness or hurt feelings.






11. You probably won’t have an orgasm.

orgasm gif

You’ll be too focused on a lot of other things, most likely, But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have one at all. Make sure your partner takes care of that for you after you’re all done.


12. It’s not going to get more comfortable until you do it a few more times.


Or so my friends say. I’m really hoping that’s the case, because I cannot deal if sex is that painful every time! If you do, there might be something else going on.


13. You’re probably not going to feel any different.


You’re not going to feel like a new woman. Sorry, you just aren’t. I know that a lot of movies, TV shows, and books make it seem as if you’re guaranteed to feel like you’ve just made a monumental change in your life, but you might be surprised by how…well, normal you feel.


14. There are a lot more virgins in their twenties than you’d think.


Seriously, do not feel like a freak. Until I started writing more about being a virgin in my twenties, I thought that I was so alone, but there are a lot more out there than you’d expect. We’re all just on the DL, lurking…waiting for the opportunity to lose our v-cards to arise.


What other misconceptions do you think there are about p in v sex in general? Do you think that having sex in your teens is overrated? Tell us in the comments!

You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

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  • Gus Mueller

    If your legs hurt for 3 days after sex, it’s not the sex, it’s that you are woefully out of shape. Get some goshdarn exercise!

    If you need a lot of lube, one of you is rushing the process.

    Ladies, do the world and yourself a favor and treat this as a do it yourself process: dildo up. The description in the article is way out at the bad end of the bell curve.