Ask A Guy: How To Tell If Your Crush Is Taking Advantage Of You

Hey Joel,

There’s this guy friend of mine on whom I have a little crush as well. One day when we were in class, he asked me to masturbate him. I said no, but then he asked whether he could do that to me or not. I told him that you can’t do that in front of the whole class. Since we were in the classroom and a lecture was going on, he came very close to me and started circling his legs over mine and touching me weirdly. I felt uncomfortable but I also like him so I didn’t want to tell him to stop. Does he seriously like me or is he just playing with me?


I honestly don’t care how you feel about him or any of the details you gave. The only thing that actually matters is that you felt uncomfortable because he was acting completely out of line. His initial question was beyond inappropriate, and the fact that you were in school makes it even worse.

There is a definite line between being funny and sexual harassment/assault, and the situation you described is far more the latter. I get that you’re friends, and it’s not like he was some random guy dropping that question on you, but it doesn’t make it any less inappropriate. If you guys were having a private moment at home one evening, maybe that question wouldn’t be as horrifically awkward, but in this case, it is about as massive and bright a red flag as you can possibly get.

In short, it’s a massive sign of disrespect, and it’s neither funny nor cute in any way. The fact that he basically tried to mount you, even after you clearly said no--that’s not a guy you want anything to do with. Add to that the fact that there was a class lecture going on, and he’s just plain stupid.

Insofar as considering dating this guy, that’s a super-sized HELL NO! Anyone who is as inappropriately aggressive as he displayed in the classroom is a guy you want nothing to do with. He is obviously nowhere near mature enough, and I honestly have questions about his mental state. Even if he thought it was funny, he took it way too far, and needs to learn about boundaries and the meaning of the word “no.”

There are tons of amazing guys out there in the world who know how to treat a woman and how to be an acceptable human in public. Don’t bother with bad examples like this guy, and go find yourself someone amazing!

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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  • Maddie

    1 word. Pervert….

  • Honey

    I love this feedback.