Single for this upcoming Valentine’s Day? How absolutely miserable and terrible for you. Objectively, literally nothing will ever be worse than this–you could land the lead role in your school’s musical, get into all of the universities of your choice, Rory Gilmore-style, and beat out the top minds of current day to win the Nobel Peace Prize, and none of that will ever even matter, all because you were alone on V-Day.
Just kidding. The truth is, despite the histrionic approach that most people take towards being single on Valentine’s Day, it isn’t actually the worst thing in the world. Or, rather, it doesn’t have to be the worst thing in the world. Last week, I put together a list of things that single girls should consider getting into on the big day–if you’re into seances, catfishing, and/or retracing the early steps of Drake’s career, you should be more than occupied–but, just in case, I figured I’d think up some things that it might be better to steer clear of. Basically, you’re just going to want to stay far, far, away from Facebook, Instagram, and other places where you might stumble upon any pictures of your ex doing the same Valentine’s day tradition that you used to have with some other girl. Capisce? Capisce. Check out these other things that single girls definitely shouldn’t do on Valentine’s Day:
1. Text that person.
You know the one I’m talking about. The one you’ve hooked up with once or twice and like, kind of, but also hate, a little bit, who would respond to a text you sent them, but is also known for making you feel like absolute and total crap after you hang out with them? Yeah. Don’t do it.
2. Look at pictures of your ex.
Of all days to do this, V-day is not that day.
3. Look at pictures of your ex who is now dating someone else.
4. Look at pictures of your crush (who, like your ex, is dating someone else).
You know better than this.
5. Lurk the random girl your crush/ex/person you thought was kind of cute in your US history class last semester is now dating.
Are you trying to get that special feeling that lurking brings? You know, like a million squirrels are crawling around inside your stomach and trying to gnaw their way out? If so, great. Otherwise, stay away.
6. Be over self-deprecating about how single you are on social media.
Last year, I celebrated Valentine's Day by going to a play about the Holocaust. Today, I might be seeing 50 Shades of Grey with a stranger.
— Sara Hendricks (@shendrickslamar) February 14, 2015
Don’t do it! As you can see above, it is very tempting to get all “lady doth protest too much” and make a point about how single you are before anyone else can. In small doses, this is fine. But if yo’re clogging everyone’s timeline with posts about how you’re “single AF” and “forever alone,” it’s not a great look.
7. In fact, maybe don’t venture onto social media at all.
It’s just going to be filled with couples vomiting up (metaphorically, probably) photos of them and “bae” having the “best Valentine’s ever” because they’re “soooo happy.” If you think this will induce some vomiting of your own, just do yourself a favor and take a 24-hour social media “cleanse.” It’ll be a hard day to go without, certainly, but the air of superiority that comes from doing so lasts forever.
8. Watch rom-coms.
CONTENTIOUS POSITION, I KNOW. But, think about it. If you’re sad about being single, will watching a movie about a straight-laced but good at heart guy and a disorganized, free-spirited girl with a quirkily endearing personality meeting in a chance event, falling for one another, breaking up briefly, and eventually realizing they are meant to be really make you feel any better? Stay away from rom-coms and all romantic movies, period. (Unless it’s one of those movies in which the star-crossed lovers meet gruesome deaths, such as Baz Luhrman’s Romeo + Juliet. That one might prove to be extremely therapeutic.)
9. Listen to any song that will leave you ~vulnerable~
That song that used to belong to you and bae? Skip it. The song you danced to with an erstwhile crush at this year’s homecoming? Don’t listen to it. Taylor Swift? This depends on your personality, and how strong you are in the face of the break-your-heart classic “Dear John,” but, personally, I wouldn’t play that on V-Day either.
10. Get on an online dating site.
Okay, so, if you’re already talking to someone online, there’s nothing wrong with maintaining that conversation. But please, please do not download Tinder just because you’re feeling a little sad. It will not make you feel better. Trust me.
11. Go anywhere that’s bound to be especially couple-y.
Look, usually, I am 100% down for crashing any and all couple events. Third-wheeling is a way of life, after all! But Valentine’s Day is probably not the day that you want to hit up, say, the “for couples” listening session of remixes to songs by The Weeknd. Just a thought.
12. Stay inside all day.
Still, don’t feel like you can’t leave your house. Netflix by yourself will be fun for a while, but after a little bit, you should get out. You can do literally anything–go for a hike with your family, get mani-pedis with the girls, see a solo movie–just, please, get out.
Are you single this Valentine’s Day? Have you ever fallen victim to these things that you definitely shouldn’t do? Let us know in the comments!