9 Ways You Didn’t Realize You Are Ruining Your Friendship

Do you ever have those moments where you feel like your friendship with someone is starting to fall apart?

I’m not talking about the anger and frustration that you feel when a friend does something to upset you. What I’m talking about is that feeling you get when you sense that something is wrong with the entire relationship, but you just can’t put your finger on it. You might start to think that you and your friend are just becoming different people and are growing apart. Or you might think that it’s just a weird phase that will pass. But here’s another reason you should consider: Maybe you’ve been driving them away all along without even realizing it. 


I know, I know. It sounds kind of crazy. You’re probably thinking that if you were really ruining your friendship then you’d probably be aware of it by now. But you know what? It’s hard to spot the things we’re doing wrong when no one tells us what they are. So even when we assume that things are going perfectly fine, we can never really know how we’re affecting other people, let alone a close friend. Usually, the signs are pretty clear when a friend feels like you’re pushing them away, but a lot of times, those signs actually go unnoticed. So if you feel like you and one of of your friends are starting to drifting apart, then you need to consider the fact that you just might be the problem.

Check out these nine ways you never realized you are ruining your friendship:

Using Your Busy Schedule As An Excuse To Not Keep In Touch

Okay, I get it. Sometimes you're just really busy, which is totally understandable. But if you’re busy to the point where you can’t spare a few moments to talk to your friend on a regular basis, then something’s wrong. I mean, by not making an effort to communicate with them, you’re basically saying that the friendship doesn’t mean that much to you. So if it seems like you and your friend aren't getting enough time together, find a way to fit them into your schedule and plan something out together.

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Not Opening Up To Them At All

This might be a bit of a tough one for introverts, considering the fact that they usually don’t feel inclined to share much. But if you really want to maintain a friendship, you have to open up at some point. You can’t get away with just letting your friend be an open book while you stay super secretive and quiet. So make an effort to communicate with them. Show them that you actually want them to know you better.

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Trying To Turn It Into A Romantic Relationship

I’ve seen this so many times before, and unfortunately, it almost never ends well. When someone actually falls for their close friend, they will use that friendship as an opportunity to get that person to fall in love with them. So in short, what was once a genuine friendship actually turns into something way more complicated.

If you're in a position where you feel like you're developing feelings for your BFF, the best thing you can do is be honest and just tell them. I know it's easier said than done, but drawing out a friendship when you clearly want more out of it will only make things more awkward. And plus, it wouldn't be fair to your friend.

Image source: iStock

Seeking Constant Validation From Them

Fishing for tons of compliments is not what friendship is all about. It just shows that you're feeling insecure and it can get really exhausting for your friends. If you're that insecure, try focusing on the things that you're most proud of and work to make yourself better.

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Being Passive Aggressive

Guys, if you have a problem with your friend, just be honest and straightforward. There’s no need to beat around the bush and pretend, because it will only annoy your friend make things way more awkward.

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Lashing Out At Them When You’re Upset

We all have those days when we feel like a complete mess, but it’s no excuse to take our anger out our friends, especially when they’re trying to be helpful. If you feel like you really need to get your frustration out, just talk to your friend about what’s really going on.

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Overly Criticizing Them

Here’s a bit of advice: Don’t use your honesty as an excuse to be mean. There’s actually a huge difference between giving your honest opinion and simply pointing out your friend’s mistakes to criticize them. So whenever they make a mistake, just be there for them or find ways to help.

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Making Everything About You

Do you and your friend always end up doing what you want to do when you hang out? Are you always the main topic of discussions? And are you quick to change the topic when your friend tries to talk about themselves? If you answered yes to any of these questions then chances are you’re being really selfish.

It may seem like your friend has always been okay with this, since they never really complain. But think of it this way: The less you insist on getting your way, the more likely your friend is to feel appreciated and actually stick around.

Image source: iStock

Being Too Clingy

There’s nothing wrong with bonding with a friend to get close to them. But if you feel the need to be with them every minute of every day, that’s way too much. The clingier you get, the more overwhelmed they’ll feel and the more they’ll want to push you away. So it’s really important to just give your friend a little space and let them live their own lives.

Image source: iStock

Which of these surprised you the most? Have you been ruining your friendship without realizing it? Tell us in the comments below!

You can follow the author, Nakeisha Campbell, on Twitter and Instagram.

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