As many of you well know, being in a friends with benefits relationship can be really hard. Repeatedly having casual sex with someone almost always leads to more intense feelings than just physical attraction – and in many cases, these feelings are one-sided. It is almost harder to have your crush some of the time but not every time you want than it is to not have them at all. But the absolute worst thing is when you start to fall for your FWB, only to realize they might have a crush on someone else.
There are few things that sting worse than having someone tell you, “I’m not looking for anything serious, I just want to have fun,” and then realizing they went out and found someone else they wanted to be serious with who definitely isn’t you. It’s a slap in the face, and it can leave you feeling insecure, confused, and heartbroken.
I’ve been there. In college, I spent close to a year being friends with benefits with a guy I worked with. I started to develop feelings for him, but I acted like I didn’t, because he was adamant about the fact that we would never be a couple. After a few months, he started talking to me more after we hooked up, and I started to feel like maybe there actually was a chance for a relationship. Then all of the sudden, bam, he told he met someone else and we couldn’t see each other anymore because he wanted to be with her. Damn, that sucked.
Looking back, I realize that there were plenty of signs that that was going to happen – I just didn’t want to pay attention to them. You might be doing the same thing, even if the thought is niggling in the back of your mind. So, here are 10 little signs your friend with benefits has a crush on someone else:
Either They Slowly Stop Calling...If you notice that your FWB has been slowly fading you out, that's a big sign that something is going on. Sure, it could be something else, like they're extra busy or they just haven't bee in the mood, but if they went from hot to cold pretty quickly, it could be because of something bigger. Source: iStock
...Or They Call Very Randomly...If they used to call you on a pretty regular schedule and now you only hear from them once in a while, that could also mean something is going on. I was once casually hooking up with a guy who would disappear and reappear at random times. I could go weeks without hearing from him for no real reason. If they're doing it, it could be because they're also juggling their time with someone else, or trying to get that person to spend time with them. Source: iStock
...Or They Call At The Exact Same Time Every WeekThe other possibility is that they only ask you to hang out every Thursday night at 9 PM (or something similar, you know what I mean). This could be the day they're not with the other person or something. Sounds awful, but I have seen it happen! Source: iStock
They Pay No Attention To You On Social MediaThe way your FWB treats you in public is important, even if by "public" we mean "social media." If they never like your pictures, don't comment on anything, and generally ignore your existence, that could be because they doesn't want anyone else catching on to what's going on between you too. There are a few reasons for that - they might want to keep the playing field open, they could be FWB with someone else, or they could have serious feelings for someone else and they don't want that person to catch on. But you know what? All of those reasons suck. Source: iStock
They've Brought Up Someone Else To You BeforeThe first time I realized my college FWB might like someone else, it was because he said something to me about her. We were talking after hooking up, and he said, "I just want you to know that I hung out with another girl last week. Nothing happened, but it might." I genuinely did appreciate the honesty, and I still do. A lot of guys would never do that! (This is why we are still friends today.) In my hopeful mind, I chose to ignore the statement and pretend nothing was going to happen, and I know other girls do that too. But that is literally a clear sign they're interested in someone else. Source: iStock
The Only Time They Show Any Sort Of Affection Is When You're AloneHere's what happened with my college FWB: for a while when we were hooking up, he was flirty in person. We would hang out in groups or at work, and it was obvious that there was something more happening with us. But around the time he started liking someone else, he stopped doing that. He started treating me as more of just a friend. Most FWBs will be at least a little flirty with you in public. If they don't even do that, there's a reason. Source: iStock
They Take Someone Else OutI realize this sounds completely obvious, but I know that when you're really into someone, you try to hold out hope for as long as possible. So even when a super in-your-face clue like this one happens, you still want to believe it's not real. Guess what? It is. If this person has been hooking up with you in their bedroom for weeks but has never taken you out, and can suddenly take someone else out... well, that means they feel differently about this other person. Source: iStock
They Ask You For Dating AdviceAnother very obvious sign, but also something you want to ignore. If your FWB is going as far as asking you for advice about dating, that means they truly only think of you as a friend. Source: iStock
They Continue To Remind You They Don't Want Anything SeriousIf your FWB has changed their mind about how they feel about you, you'll notice. They might stop saying things like, "You're sure you're cool with being casual, right?" If they start to like you a lot, they wouldn't say that! So if they keep being insistent on it, it's probably because they can tell you like them and they are trying to remind you that they only want something casual. Source: iStock
They Seem Like They Want To End ThingsAt the end of the day, you should trust your gut and intuition. If you feel like your FWB has something else going on, they very well might. Most of the time, FWBs fizzle out rather than ending like a relationship breakup. If your FWB seems like they're done, maybe it's because of someone else. Source: iStock
What do you think about friends with benefits relationships? Did we forget something? Tell us in the comments.