I read a lot of fan fiction growing up, especially as a teen and young adult. I was smart enough to read the more sexual stories with a grain of salt, because I was pretty sure that not everyone’s penis is nine inches long, simply inserting a penis in a vagina a bunch of times often doesn’t produce a female orgasm, and actual lube is probably mandatory for anal. It’s that last bit about lube that I think ends up getting way more of a pass than it should, especially since that’s not really talked about all that much in sex ed. I can just imagine how many of us grew up thinking that a little bit of saliva could actually work as an effective lubricant for penetrative sex. Yikes, how wrong we were.
Actually, there are quite a few items that people think are good for lubing up but can actually do more harm than good when it comes to gettin’ it in. Here are seven things you should never use as lube…like, ever.
SalivaIf fanfic taught me to be skeptical of anything, it's the idea that a little spit is sufficient lube for anal sex. BYE! Sure, saliva can be just fine for somebody giving themselves a little personal attention down there, and it's perfectly safe (as long as you don't have an open sore/infection). But relying on saliva to really get the job done for penetrative sex is not the best idea. You would need a lot more than just a few wads of spit for any long term activity. But I'm A Cheerleader
OilOlive oil, shea butter, coconut oil, petroleum jelly...these are all oil based items that should never be used as lube. Sure, oil is slippery and its effects are long lasting. But oil can break down latex in condoms, making safe sex a lot less safe. Plus, if oil enters the vagina, it can be hard to clean out, meaning that oils can go rancid up in there and alter the vagina's PH balance. Stay away from oil, y'all. iStock
Oil Based LubeI know, we just went over oil, but what about oil based lube? You'd think that because it's officially lubricant by a lubricant company, that it must be different than using straight up oil. Wrong. Oil based lubes can can still weaken latex and cause infections. Plus, oil can encourage the spread of STDs. Go for a water based or silicone based lube instead. KY
Soap/Conditioner/Bath Products In GeneralLiquid soaps and conditioners are definitely slippery and might provide some much needed lubrication, but the chemicals in those products can cause some serious infections, especially if they're used vaginally. Unless you want a raging yeast infection the next morning, definitely pass on the coconut scented body wash as a lube. Easy A
WaterWater seems like it would be a good lubricant because it's wet, but it's actually a pretty crappy lubricant. In fact, water is drying and can actually wash away natural lubricants like the ones that the vagina produced. This is especially true if you're attempting to have penetrative sex in the water; consider using a silicone based lube for underwater sex activities! iStock
LotionI see dudes with penises use lotion as lube all the time in TV shows and movies, which...okay, whatever. But using it for lube during penetrative sex is a no no for a lot of the same reasons that oil and oil based lubes are. They can break down latex and irritate the vagina. iStock
FoodChocolate up the cooch, honey drizzled on the peen, whipped cream up the butt...no matter what delicious combination we're talking about here, keep it away from your bits and pieces. If you have a vagina, it's important to know that sugars in oh so sexy foods like chocolate syrup and whipped cream can wreck havoc down there; yes, even your organic honey from the farmer's market should stay away. Just because it's slippery and sexy doesn't make it a useful lube. Plus, imagine the horrific clean up after the act. Yikes. Not Another Teen Movie
Have you ever used any of these things as lube? What else shouldn’t be used? Do you Tell us in the comments!