What It Really Means If Your Boyfriend Says He Wants To Take A Break

Hi Heather,

My boyfriend and I are currently taking a break for three weeks because he’s dealing with the loss of his grandparents and he feels that he needs to “be great” before he can be with me and fully commit to us being together. I’m not really sure how this works. We’re trying to be friends while we’re on this break, but I don’t know if this helps our situation because I don’t want to get stuck in the friend zone AND be stuck in the should-I-or-should-I-not-move-on stage just to be let down again? He can’t promise me that there will be no other women for him, but he did say that if he found someone he was interested in he would tell me so we could just be friends. What am I doing? What should I be doing? What does taking a break really mean?

on a break

To be honest with you, I think that taking a break from a relationship is total bull. I wish I could tell you that your situation seems like it’s an exception to the rule, but it doesn’t. I think that this guy is stringing you along, and I think it’s time for you to get rid of him and move on.

Why do I think this? Well, first of all, I don’t know what his grandparents’ deaths have to do with your relationship. Yes, people react to death in different ways, but the fact that he’s open to being with other women, but not you, makes it sound like he’s using that as an excuse. Second, he told you that if he met someone he likes, he’ll tell you that it’s over for sure. So… he’s stringing you along. This is what it sounds he’s saying to me: “My grandparents dying is sad and I know you can’t really argue with that so I’m going to use that as my excuse for breaking up. But I’m just going to say we’re taking a break for now because I don’t know if I want to be with you, but I also don’t want to be completely alone, so I need to give myself some time. I want to see what else is out there and see if I find someone I like better. If I do, we’re done. If I don’t, we can get back together, but you have to wait for me to figure it out.” 

Is this fair to you? No, not at all. Why should you be sitting on the sidelines, patiently waiting for his decision, while he keeps an eye out for someone else he might want to hook up with? It’s ridiculous. If your boyfriend really, genuinely needed time to be on his own to “be great,” (I have no clue what this means) the he would be on his own. He wouldn’t even consider other women. He would just be by himself.

Taking a break, in general, means this: “I think I want to break up but I’m not sure so I’m feeling it out without the possibility of losing you.” Taking a break is a selfish act that lets the person have their cake and eat it too. It very rarely works out, and I do not recommend it.

So here’s what I think you should do: tell this guy that you’re done with “taking a break” and you need an answer. Does he want to get back together, or does he want to stay apart? I honestly think you’re better off without him, since he clearly does not seem ready for something serious right now, but that choice is yours. Just remember to look out for yourself. You deserve someone who will give you all of their attention, not someone who already has a foot out the door.

take care,

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com


10 Things You Must Know Before You Consider Taking A Break

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Posted in: Dating, Love Advice
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