I think we can all agree that, at this point in time, horoscopes are sort of having a little bit moment, are they not? Like, horoscopes are in–what was once strictly reserved for superstitious ex-hippies and that weird girl in your Bio class who would always pass you notes saying things like, “Are you a Leo? You seem like a Leo,” and “Be careful when Mercury is in retrograde! Your sign is especially vulnerable” is now a viable commodity to talk about in public. Everyone can brush off a bad test grade or awkward date with a casual, “Well, Mercury is in retrograde,” and pages upon pages of “http://www.gurl.com/2015/12/10/hilarious-tumblr-horoscope-posts-that-reveal-what-its-really-like-to-date-you/” memes proliferate on Tumblr. Now, we are all that weird girl in your bio class–or, perhaps, we are all superstitious ex-hippies. Whatever floats your boat. The point is, horoscopes are cool now.
Horoscopes are so newly cool, in fact, that perhaps you have placed a little too much faith in it. I mean, who can blame you? Horoscopes are fun to talk about, sure, but they’re even more fun if you actually believe in them. And, you know, can attribute and/or blame everything vaguely uncomfortable that might be going on in your life on your horoscope. Here some things you’ll totally get if you are known for taking your horoscope a little too seriously:
1. You can’t start your day until you read your horoscope.
2. In fact, you read many different horoscopes–your Twitter TL is basically littered with horoscope accounts.
3. You read all of your friends’ horoscopes, too–it’s basically your duty, is it not?
4. You blame EVERYTHING that ever goes wrong on Mercury being in retrograde.
5. In your mind, “what’s your sign?” is a very normal, cool, non-threatening question to ask someone.
6. The first thing you do when you have a crush is sketchily try and find out their birthday so that you can look up their horoscope.
7. Ditto your celebrity crush, because who’s to say that you won’t end up together at some point? Gotta be prepared.
8. And if you’re not compatible, well, that’s the end of that.
9. In fact, you’ve ended relationships over the state of your horoscopes.
10. Friendships, too.
11. You absolutely live for those “signs as” memes on Tumblr (maybe you even write them? Who knows).
12. If someone does something that irks you, you’re just like, “Ugh–what an Aquarius move, amirite?” (Usually, you are right).
13. People often try to irk you by saying that horoscopes are “meaningless” and “not even real,” but it doesn’t bother you.
It’s whatever. You know the truth.
Are you obsessed with your horoscope? What’s your sign? Let us know in the comments!