Admit it: you want people to like you. Even if you’re one of those girls who acts like they DGAF, you still need some people to like you. Attraction and relationships are quite literally the thing that keep the human species alive and growing. You need to have people there to pick you up when you’re down and to share the exciting moments of your life. However, it seems that some people can make friends a lot easier than others. There’s always that one girl at school that everyone loves and you can’t figure out why she’s able to gain the respect and friendship of so many. Ugh.
Instead of just feeling blue that you’re not the most liked, you can practice science-backed skills that will endear people to you. Don’t think of it as manipulation, but more of a way that you can develop socially. There are certain things you can do that light up that primal part of the human brain that tells us, “This person is our friend!” The more you can make people feel good around you, the more they’ll want to be around you! Crazy how that works.
As a shy introvert, making friends has never come easy to me, but I’ve been able to practice these skills. The more I realized that people weren’t that difficult to figure out, the more I was able to play into the whole charade of getting people to like me. Here are some of the most tried-and-true ways to make people like you:
Accept Someone's Offer Of A Drink Or SnackMany people don't want to be a bother, so they decline offers of food or drinks from others. However, there is a psychological phenomenon called the Ben Franklin Effect that stipulates people who do favors for you (not the other way around) see you as a friend. Why? Because their brain has to rationalize why they are going above-and-beyond for you. "I must care deeply about them if I'm going through this trouble!" When you accept someone's offer of a drink when you go into their house, you are increasing the chances that they will have friendly feelings towards you. Source: iStock
Repeat The Last Three WordsThis technique is actually stolen from hostage negotiators! (Hey, if anyone knows how to get what they want, it's them.) Repeating the last three words the other person just said build rapport. author Leil Lowndes points out that this shows that you're listening with an empathetic ear. It can even cause the person you're talking to to jump right in with something new. You don't have to do any of the heavy lifting of the conversation! Source: iStock
Offer FoodEveryone eats. Food can endear someone to you in a fantastic way that is almost primal in nature. Bring treats to class or work, invite them over for food, or invite them out for food. Food also offers a talking point so the two of you have something to talk about right away. Source: iStock
Keep Eye ContactIt's a scientific fact that your pupils dilate when you look at someone's face. The more excited and interested you are, the more your eyes dilate! Thus, eye contact and the subsequent size of your eyes send a built-in message that you're interested in the person you're talking to. Leil Lowndes recommends a technique called "sticky eyes," which means that you act like your eyes are connected to another's with taffy. When you have to look away, "do it ever so slowly, reluctantly, stretching the gooey taffy until the tiny string finally breaks." Source: iStock
Don't Criticize Or ComplainThis is another one of Dale Carnegie's gems. When you talk poorly about other people, the person you're speaking with assumes you'll also talk badly about them, too. People will remember the feelings they had when they were with you more than your actual words, so steer clear of conversations that have a negative bent. Source: iStock
Use The Two Question TechniqueNobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman wrote a book Thinking, Fast and Slow. In it, he states that if you first ask someone about something positive going on in their life and then about their life in general, they'll be more positive. Since friendships bloom from happy feelings generated by the person you're with, this technique is a smart way to foster friendships. Source: iStock
Say A Compliment In PassingComplimenting is obviously a good way to get people to like you, but one Reddit user recommending doing it "in passing." This way, the receiver of the compliment isn't made to feel that it's just conversation fodder or flattery. The compliment seems more genuine when it's off-the-cuff. Plus, saying a compliment in passing reduces the chances that the person getting the compliment will feel awkward. Source: iStock
Speak Their Love LanguageEveryone has different ways that they receive love. Some people like quality time, others receive love through gifts, and some by affirmation. By paying attention to what means a lot to the people with whom you want to be friends, you can cater to their love language. Source: iStock
Say Their NameDale Carnegie says that a person's name is the "sweetest and most important sound in any language." (We're such narcissists, aren't we.) Names are so important that some people even recommend saying the other person's name three times in the first five minutes of meeting them. You can also try the "as if principle," which states that if you want something, you should already act like you have it. For example, you can call someone "Friend" if that's what you want them to be. Source: iStock
Smile!I'm sure you're thinking, "Duh!" but smiling is more important than you think. In his book How To Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie says, "Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, 'I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.'" Smiling is a well-known way to make yourself appear friendly to other people. However, according to Leil Lowndes in her book How To Talk To Anyone, there are a few tricks. First, make sure the smile is genuine- people can tell when it's fake. Also, wait a few seconds before gracing someone with a teeth grin. Taking in the other person and then smiling has a greater effect. Source: iStock
What tricks have you used to make people like you in the past? Let us know in the comments below!