One of my very favorite things to do–well, other than find out everything there is to know about other people’s relationships and subsequent breakups—is do things that maintain my status as a very single girl. I regularly send out Snapchats of me brushing my teeth with activated charcoal so they look completely black. I often hang out on the Anne of Green Gables Wikipedia page late at night rather than texting people back. If I was told that I could be in a stable, fulfilling, lifelong relationship but I’d also have to give up, I don’t know, coffee or chocolate or talking about the egregious disparities between the book version and TV iterations of the character Chuck Bass in Gossip Girl (there are so many! Don’t even get me started!), I’d really have to think long and hard about which one I’d rather have.
Basically, I like to be alone–and I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. The thing is, sometimes bae is not bae–that is, by definition, before anyone else–because, to be before anyone else, they’d also have to be before you, technically. And that certainly isn’t happening anytime soon. You have some incredibly important things to work out with yourself, after all. Check out these totally legitimate reasons why, actually, you just aren’t ready for a relationship right now:
1. Because you know exactly what you’d pick in this situation:
2. And sometimes, even just hearing about other peoples’ relationships makes you wish for death to claim you:
I know we had brunch plans but someone on Facebook just called her spouse "the husbo" so instead I'll be chewing the legs off my couch.
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) January 17, 2016
3. Or, for death to claim them:
I would divorce pic.twitter.com/8840xnZ0CV
— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) October 22, 2015
4. Because you don’t hang out with just anyone:
5. Like, you can’t waste your time with anyone who rushes your feeding process:
I dated a guy who slammed my PB&J shut when he got frustrated w my need for peanut butter to be perfectly distributed. We did not last long.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) July 29, 2013
6. Or your grooming procedures, for that matter:
When he said he'd pick you up at 5:30, but you get an "I'm here" text at 4:45 pic.twitter.com/UZG5dPdbdz
— Why I'm Single (@WhylmSingle) January 19, 2016
7. One must have priorities, after all:
him: your single? why? me: you're*
— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) May 3, 2015
8. Not that you’d ever initiate hanging out with anyone, either:
9. Plus, if you ever were in a relationship, you’d just pull stunts like this:
10. And this:
11. Aaaaand this:
Me as a girlfriend pic.twitter.com/940JtVw5f3
— Sincerely Tumblr (@SincerelyTumblr) January 19, 2016
12. In fact, you already have your plan ready for any time you need to atone for your behavior in any future wrongs in your relationships:
my future husband will receive one of these everyday pic.twitter.com/D3ZWkzwJ07
— what (@chanelpuke) January 20, 2016
13. Because, let’s face it–you’re not too great with “emotions” and “support:”
14. It’s not your fault, though–it’s just because you’ve been burned before. Literally:
15. Which makes dating as a whole…not ideal:
16. Sometimes, just hearing your own voice makes that very evident:
17. It’s cool, though. You’re feeling yourself, and that’s all that matters, isn’t it?
I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats
— ched (@TheDreamGhoul) September 3, 2015
Do you relate to these posts? Which one was your favorite? Let us know in the comments!