I recently became sexually active and have finally started to enjoy sex. Every time I’m having sex though, I feel like I really need to pee, even though I don’t actually need to. I have just clenched my muscles to prevent anything from happening, but am I actually about to orgasm when that happens? Does having an orgasm feel the same as having to pee? How do I relax my body enough to just let it happen and enjoy the experience?
There is nothing more uncomfortable than being naked with someone’s penis inside of you and then feeling the urge to pee. I realize that sentence sounds funny and ridiculous, but it’s not funny if you’re freaking out about it in the moment. Unfortunately, feeling like you have to urinate during intercourse is fairly common. So why does it happen?
I asked my friend Dr. Sherry Ross from the site HelloFlo (a monthly period care package you need to check out) for answers on this one. She says: “When you have sex, the penis (or fingers or sex toys) can put a lot of pressure on the vagina and on the bladder. The repetitive thrusting motion of the penis going in and out of the vagina gives many women the sensation of having to pee. A quick anatomy lesson easily explains how this can happen. The bladder and its tubing, called the urethra, sit directly along the length of the vagina. The bladder sits closely above the uterus, which is attached to the cervix, located at the very end of the vagina. Since all of these female organs are in close proximity to each other, it’s not surprising that you are experiencing the urge to pee during sex.”
She continues: “At the same time, your body is also getting ready to have that long-awaited orgasm. Often prior to having an orgasm, your body, especially your pelvic muscles, need to relax in order to get to the sexual finish line!” In other words, if you’re clenching up down there to stop yourself from peeing, you’re also going to stop yourself from having an orgasm. And just because you feel like you need to pee doesn’t mean you actually need to. So, you could be focusing on the wrong thing, which is leading you to lose your orgasm.
How can you fix it? Dr. Ross says, “Doing Kegel exercises during sex can help you control this urge to pee and help you have a satisfying orgasm. I would make sure you have emptied your bladder before having sex so you don’t have a balloon that’s ready to burst. Some women actually do pee during sex!” And what exactly are Kegels? They are exercises to make the muscles in your pelvic area strong. They can be done anywhere without anyone even knowing.
How do you do them? Dr. Ross says: “I tell my patients that the easiest way to identify your pelvic floor muscles are to pee and, while doing so, stop the flow of urine midstream and hold it. Hold the contraction for three seconds, then relax, allowing the flow of urine to continue. Repeat this a couple of times and you will have identified your Kegel muscles. Another way to identify your Kegel muscles is to insert your first two fingers in the vagina and squeeze your pelvic muscles as if you are holding urine. You should feel your vagina tighten and your pelvic floor move upward. Then relax your muscles and feel your pelvic floor return to the starting position.
“Once you have identified your pelvic floor muscles, you can perform Kegel exercises. Before you do them, empty your bladder and sit or lie down. Contract your pelvic floor muscles, hold the contraction for five seconds, and then relax for five seconds. Try it four or five times in a row. Work up to keeping the muscles contracted for 10 seconds at a time, relaxing for 10 seconds between contractions. Aim for at least three sets of 10 to 15 repetitions a day.”
Moral of the story? Start to do Kegel exercises, relax during sex, and have an orgasm! Easier said than done, maybe, but I believe in you!