Ask A Guy: Why Won’t Your Boyfriend Say He Loves You?

Hey Joel,

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for three months.  The problem is he doesn’t express his feelings for me. Every time I tell him I love him, he doesn’t say he loves me. I asked him why he doesn’t say that he loves me, and he said that he doesn’t and he likes me, he takes things slowly, and I can’t force him to say that. He was cheated on by his ex-girlfriend in the past, so I understand, but I also want him to reciprocate my feelings. Please give me advice on what I should do.


Love is one of the most exciting yet frightening “feels” you can express to someone else, and it is also the source of many fights, tears and breakups. When you tell someone you love them for the first time, you are extremely vulnerable, and not having it reciprocated is a huge punch in the gut.

Before we go further, let’s get one thing straight: his past relationships, good or bad, have absolutely zero bearing on whether or not he can tell you he loves you. Many people, myself included, have been cheated on, and while you carry it with you in some ways, telling someone you love them is not one of them. If it was his most recent relationship, be sure that you’re not just an extended rebound, but regardless, don’t let him write off saying I love you because of a former cheater.

In his defense, three months isn’t exactly a long time. While I am not saying real love is out of the question that early on, it is more than understandable if he is still a bit gun-shy about saying that to you. Also, people do take different times to get to a place of openly expressing such an intense feeling, though most of the time it goes unsaid until both parties are very sure the other feels similarly.

What you need to determine is if he is really taking things slowly, or if he’s just not that into you. Since you’re already put yourself out there and said it, you need to decide how long you’re willing to wait for him to express the same. It’s not an ultimatum, but if he’s going to dance around the issue for another three months, that’s not really fair to you.

It really sounds like he is holding all the cards here, and has given you an excuse along with trying to forbid you from asking again. That’s unfair on many levels, and sadly, does not bode well for a long future together.

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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