Like most people, I absolutely live for a good breakup story. What can I say? Schadenfreude is a peculiarly satisfying emotion and, as a self-admitting disciple to it, I positively salivate over any story that involves any kind of soap opera-level breakup and relationship drama. (Respectfully, of course). One time, I was at the Whitney museum, and I overheard this lady in the elevator say to her friend, “Yes, so after she went back to Julliard to find him, he decided to up and leave her at the altar. She’s okay now, though, since she’s getting her Minister’s license,” and it was all I could do to not follow her out of the elevator and ask her to explain everything she’d just said. I had so many follow-up questions.
Fortunately, there happens to be a way for me to get all the relationship drama I crave without harassing strangers at art museums. It comes in the form of a Twitter account called, simply, “How We Broke Up.”As the name implies, it’s an account that lets people release their own breakup stories into the wild for others to peruse and commiserate with. Obviously, there’s no way to ascertain that all of these stories are exactly true–and, as you’ll see, there’s basically no way that some of them could be–but that’s not really the point. Check out these breakup stories that are, above all else, incredibly amusing:
1. The Zoo? TOO FAR:
"I guess she didn't want to go to the zoo?" pic.twitter.com/IeT5e7lvlE
— How We Broke Up (@HowWeBrokeUp) January 13, 2016
2. At the end of the day, it’s just nice that this moment was captured and that you are keeping the important ones in your life informed:
3. Who hasn’t had a similar experience with their first love, be it another human or Hidden Valley ranch dressing?
4. As one wise twitter user said in response to this story, “never trust a guy without a phone, fam:”
6. “A typical Iowa love story:”
7. In a shocking twist, “B. Nasty” proved himself to be, indeed, nasty:
8. Vindication is..sweet?
9. Ah, a Snapchat video breakup. Keeping it classy:
— How We Broke Up (@HowWeBrokeUp) December 30, 2015
10. This one is…wild from start to finish:
11. Never forget that, should worst come to worst, this is always an option:
— How We Broke Up (@HowWeBrokeUp) January 7, 2016
What do you think of these breakup stories?Which one was your fave? Let us know in the comments!