12 Of The Most Insane “For Men” Products That Show How Fragile Masculinity Actually Is

Alright, you guys–I am about to get extremely real with you all. You ready? Here’s the thing–I absolutely love things. You know, like, goods. Commodities. Products. I’ll even spring for the odd tchotchke–as a proud victim of consumer culture, I simply cannot get enough of the stuff that I purchase, hoard, forget about, and leave to gather dust in the nether corners of my room.

I’m a little bummed out, though, because there are some things that will simply never be mine. Why is this, you ask? Well, because they are for men and men only. It’s true! Even if it is something that I might conceivably buy–you know, like deodorant, tissues, the odd Pilates class–they are sold with prefixes like “bro” and “gun” and “ice metal,” and, just in case I get confused, they say “For men only” on their packaging.

Masculinity is fragile, after all, and all of these products prove themselves to be exemplary models of that fact. Check out these “for men, by men” products–no girls allowed!! They mean it!–that prove masculinity is so, so very fragile:

1. Can’t buy these wipes:


 

2. Nor this tasteful camo cake mix:


 

3. Gotta succumb to the flu, I guess:


 

4. And let my face languish in its filth and my abs in their feminine, untoned state (too bad, this is on sale):

http://masculinityissofragile.tumblr.com/post/136683423469/yoo-get-me-some-of-that-ab-fix-tho-i-need-to-be


 


5. My thirst will never be quenched!!

http://masculinityissofragile.tumblr.com/post/136570967182/theres-so-much-manliness-going-on-here-im-not-sure


 

6. Let my skin burn:

http://masculinityissofragile.tumblr.com/post/136329946132/masculinityissofragile-so-the-sun-knows-youre


 

7. I can never mark a place in my book again:


 


8. And my nose will continue to run:

http://masculinityissofragile.tumblr.com/post/136561910312/sassytravis-gold-masculinityissofragile


 

9. “Manitizer:”


 

10. Maybe I should hit up this class as a fun little prank. The men will be so scared!


 

11. One must have a Y chromosome to drink out of this mug. It is the law:


 

12. And, lest you forget–it is only men who can be “smooth, not soft:”


 

What do you think of these products? Which one was the funniest to you? Let us know in the comments!
You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

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