Ask A Guy: How To Tell If Your Guy BFF Actually Wants To Be More Than Friends

Hey Joel,

I met this guy through a mutual friend. The first time we talked we found out we had a lot in common, and now we are really good friends. Since I thought he just wanted to be friends I would invite him to join me places just for fun, but he wouldn’t respond to my texts. Then the next day he would apologize and say he was really tired or didn’t see it. After telling me his life story he asked for my advice on a girl that he likes, but at the same time I feel like he was trying to figure me out better. Somehow we always end up talking about relationships. He constantly tries to impress me, but is that just his personality? I don’t know what to think anymore. Am I just his friend, or potentially something more? I would ask him, but he’s my really good friend and I don’t want to ruin that.


Before you even begin to consider what his intentions towards you might be, it sounds like you need to get clear on exactly what you’re looking for from him. I mean, just because a guy likes you doesn’t mean you have to date him. Is this a guy you’d actually want to be in a relationship with, or are you just questioning things because he seems interested?

Once you’ve answered that question, you can work on having the right expectations. That is to say, if you don’t want to date him, and he’s truly just a friend, then you have to accept the fact that sometimes he won’t text you back or give you blowoff answers. Also, if you’re a friend, be prepared to give him advice on other girls–that’s part of being a friend.

Now if this is a guy you’re actually trying to date, that changes things in every area, and you need to adjust how you’re approaching the situation. You need to be more straightforward with your own intentions, as he needs to know you’re interested. He needs to see you less as a friend and more as a potential partner, so maybe try having more G-rated physical contact and see where that leads. If he seems to respond well to that, then you know there’s potential for more between the two of you.

However, regardless of how either of you might feel, if you have an interest in dating him, the best thing you can do is be upfront and ask him. I say it all the time: it’s not the 1950’s anymore, and there’s nothing wrong with women being more aggressive in instigating relationships. Be direct and clear, and that will answer your questions quickly.

If you’re not looking for a boyfriend in him, enjoy the fact that you’ve got a great friend who wants your dating advice, and that sometimes, friends suck at returning texts!

Best wishes,


Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Joel, email him at!

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