I’m almost 13-years-old. I’d like to be able to wear makeup, but I’m not sure how to ask my parents to let me. My mom has a one-track mind and I’m pretty sure that the minute she hears me ask, she’ll say, “no, absolutely not” without even thinking about it, without even letting me explain myself. I’d like to wear makeup for two reasons. One, to express myself – you know, to figure out what style I like, to figure out if I even like makeup, to figure out who I am. Two, to give around me an idea of my style and what I like. Most girls my age would just go up to their moms and say it. But I’m different. I have a very hard time asking people for things if I think there’s a possibility they might say no. So I’m pretty unsure how to approach my mom on this issue. Can you help? I’d really appreciate it.
Asking your parents something you’re pretty sure they’ll disagree with can definitely be tough and scary. But if you never attempt to ask, then you’ll never know what could REALLY happen. So, even if you think the end result might not be what you want, you have to try. Your parents might be against makeup at the moment, and there honestly might be nothing you can do about that. BUT there is also the chance that they’ll make some compromises or agree with you, and like I said… there’s only one way to find out which stand they’ll take.
When approaching your mom about letting you wear makeup, you want to be mature and level-headed. There are a few ways to do it – here are some options:
1. Ask her to talk in person, just the two of you. Talking in person is usually the way to go, but it’s intimidating because it can go wrong fast. If you decide to do this, plan out what you’re going to say. Ask your mom ahead of time if she has time to talk with just you. Then when you two start to talk, say something like, “I want to ask you something that is important to me and I feel nervous about it. I would really appreciate it if you could hear what I have to say before you answer. Then I will listen to what you have to say without interrupting.” This shows her that you’ve thought about this a lot, which is impressive. It’s a good way to ask if she can just listen without saying something whiney like, “You never let me talk!” or “You’re so hard to talk to!” And letting her know you’re willing to hear her side of the story is a respect thing she should appreciate.
2. Send her a text, email, or handwritten note getting all of your thoughts out at once. If you’re really that scared to talk in person, then write your mom a note explaining exactly how you feel. This is good because it doesn’t give her a chance to interrupt your thoughts, but bad because it’s hard to get a discussion going when you aren’t face-to-face. If you do this, let her read the note, then talk in person.
3. Hint at the idea to get a feel of her thoughts on the issue, then figure out the best way to approach her. Drop some hints about makeup before you say something. Mention the girls in your class started wearing it, and see what she says. Pick up a magazine, find a picture of a look you like, and ask her what she thinks about it. See what her reaction is so you have a better idea of what’s happening. From there, you can have a better idea of how to talk to her.
Once you pick an option and talk to your mom, there are a few things that will happen. One, she could say no and refuse to budge. That sucks, but it’s possible, and for now you might have to listen to her. Two, she could say maybe and then give you strict rules about makeup. My advice is to deal with those rules for now and compromise with her. Three, she could say yes and that’s awesome!
When talking to your mom, remember to be calm, mature, and serious. Let her know why you want to wear makeup and what it means to you. Offer to let her help you pick it out, to keep her around while you put it on. Get her involved in the process. A lot of times parents don’t want their kids to wear makeup because they’re scared of the idea of their kids growing up, which is frustrating but understandable. If you show her that you want to keep her involved, it might help.
And remember, if she says no, it isn’t the end of the world. As someone who grew up with strict parents, I completely understand how frustrating that can be. But sometimes you just need to be patient and wait it out. If she says no, give her some time (like a few weeks or months) before approaching the idea again. Good luck!
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