14 Weird Things You Thought Only You Did When You’re Hooking Up With Someone

It wouldn’t be *that* weird to assume that, for the most part, the majority of people would agree that hooking up with someone is a great, wonderful thing.

I mean, what’s not to like? If you like them, they like you, and you have found yourself anywhere on the hookup spectrum with them, there should be no cause for complaint. Unless, uh, your head gets in the way. I mean this both figuratively–in the sense that your thoughts and worries might grow to a neurotic fever pitch that can really mess things up for you in the midst of a hookup–and literally, in the sense that, as a result of overthinking things, your fine motor skills get a little messed up.

It’s not a big deal, obviously–everyone has, on occasion, inadvertently had some weird thoughts or done some weird things (and not, like, sexy weird things) when they hook up with people. The only bad thing is to think that you are alone in these weird moments–which, obviously, you aren’t. Check out the weird things that you thought only you did when you’re hooking up with someone:

1. Convince yourself beforehand, for whatever reason, that no hookup is going to be happening in this moment:


Nope! Not today!


2. Even though you know that it’s totally going to:



3. So that, in the moment that it does happen, you’re caught a little off-guard:


I mean, it’s a good surprise–but still.


4. Insist on showering beforehand:


Just enough time for a pep talk.


5. Forget what you’re supposed to do with your tongue when you’re making out with someone:


Use a lot? A little? Who knows!


6. And your hands:


Where do they…go?

7. Accidentally keep opening your eyes when you’re making out:


Please don’t take it personally, Bruno Mars.


8. And thinking about the things you used to “practice” kissing on:


All those stuffed animals. The crook of your elbow. A few lucky trees.



9. Start to say something “dirty” but change your mind halfway through:


“I want you to l–look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love the Shrek soundtrack. Yes, that is what I was going to say all along.”


10. Laugh a little when your partner suggests something “sexy:”


Oh, you were serious?


11. Find yourself distracted by random things, like the “cool” V for Vendetta poster they have on their wall, and the weird bullseye shaped mole they have on their hip:


So many things to focus on that aren’t the person you’re making out with!



12. Wonder if you should tell them to get that bullseye mole checked out by a dermatologist:


Like, it could be malignant. Isn’t it your duty?


13. Also wonder if the weird sucky-slurpy sounds they’re making should be considered “good” or “bad:”




14. Realize that you are totally unsure of how to part from them: 


Hug? Handshake? High five? Up to you, boss.

Okay–are you guilty of any of these things? Which one (or ones)? Let us know in the comments!

You can reach the author, Sara Hendricks, on Twitter and Instagram.

17 Weird Things You Thought Only You Did On A Date 

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