If you were to ask any girl between the ages of, say, thirteen to twenty-five what her favorite TV couples were, you’d be sure to get a lot of overlapping responses. Ross and Rachel from Friends, obviously. Meredith and Derek from Grey’s Anatomy, natch. Jim and Pam from The Office, too.
Also high on the list, I’m pretty sure, would be Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl. Both Tumblr and Twitter are literally overflowing with pictures and gif sets of the two of them with captions like “Ugh, can I just have an ending like Chuck and Blair please?” or the ever-present, all-encompassing “relationship goals AF!”
You all know how I feel about relationship goals, so it probably won’t surprise you all to know how I feel about Chuck and Blair. Basically, I hate them–not necessarily individually, which I will get to in a second, but together. I think that Chuck and Blair are the worst couple ever, and I am going to make you feel that way, too:
1. Chuck’s character is not canon with the books:
To some, this is a quibble, but for others, it’s a straight-up disgrace. True Gossip Girl fans know that, in the Gossip Girl book series, Chuck Bass’ character is radically different from his over-sexualized onscreen iteration. Book Chuck weird scarf-obsessed loner who literally carried a pet monkey named “Sweetie” around with him wherever he went. They tried to make Chuck sexy in the TV series, but that monkey-toting outcast from the books just has a way of sticking with you, ya know?
2. Chuck nearly raped Serena:
And, besides, it’s not like “sexy Chuck” automatically equals “good Chuck.” Remember how, in the pilot episode, Chuck basically tried to rape Serena (who, at the time, was his step sister)?
3. And Jenny:
In the same episode, he tried to rape Jenny, too. Not awesome.
4. Blair should maybe not date anyone for a while:
I don’t know. I like Blair and I want her to be happy, but she is manipulative, mean, and extraordinarily petty. It’s pretty clear that she shouldn’t be with anyone until she sorts out those issues (which would probably require therapy).
5. Both Chuck and Blair physically abuse one another:
This couple sees a lot of slapping, hair-pulling, and general physical abuse–it’s presented as being normal on the show, but it’s not something that should ever be accepted as a norm.
6. Which Chuck uses as a tool to mark Blair as his “territory:”
This escalates into something even more serious when, in one episode, Blair tries to break up with Chuck. In response, he pushes her down and cuts her face with a piece of glass. This is kind of by accident, but it’s a physical manifestation of Chuck’s overall desire to monopolize her life.
Guys, THIS IS ABUSE. NOT RELATIONSHIP GOALS.
7. And essentially pimped her out to his uncle one time (who had a history of rape, no less):
In the third season, Chuck tries to exchange Blair for a hotel with his gross, creepy uncle. No thank you.
8. Chuck cheats on Blair:
Chuck was kind enough to thank Blair for exchanging her body for his benefit by…sleeping with Jenny Humphrey. K.
9. And literally abandons her at the end of the first season:
Remember how Chuck and Blair were supposed to go on a romantic European getaway together, but then he got scared and abandoned her on a helipad? So relatable! #RelationshipGoals, amirite?
10. Great sex does not a good relationship make:
Throughout the series, it’s made clear that Chuck and Blair have lots of sex. Lots of really, really good sex–the thing is, it’s also made pretty clear that this is kind of the only good thing about their relationship. Not a super-sturdy foundation, you know?
11. Just as lots of money does not a good relationship make:
In a similar vein as–sure, Chuck and Blair are both richer than Croesus. They have nice apartments and nice clothes and enough funds, collectively, to buy literally anything that they want. But this doesn’t mean that the relationship itself is sound. While they’ve got money in abundance, relationships rely on things that Chuck and Blair lack–you know, like empathy, mutual respect, and common human decency.
What do you guys think about Chuck and Blair? Are they relationship goals or nah? Let us know in the comments!